My typical Saturday…with only one difference. I got my lazy but off the computer for a break to wash my kitchen floor and had a friendly chat with the Holy Spirit while doing so. It went something like this:
Holy Spirit: Hey Peg?
Holy Spirit: Remember back when you were so distraught and didn’t have anyone left to turn to regarding the state of your soul and the mortal sins you were covered in? Remember when your eyes were so swollen from crying, thinking that God would never forgive you and that He must be punishing you, and you thought God hated you?
Me: Yes. I’ll never forget that day. Or the days that followed.
Holy Spirit: Remember when you dropped everything you were doing, got in your car, drove to find any Catholic Church, and parked your car, walked in and sat in the pew, and broke down in tears again, begging God to forgive you?
Me: Yes. I don’t know how I got there or how I brought myself to do that.
Holy Spirit: Remember there was only one other person in that church, that just happened to be open? A church building where the doors were not locked? Remember then after sitting in tears, the Catholic Priest who just happened to be there, who just happened to tap you on the shoulder and ask you if he could help you?
Me: Yes. I was lucky that day!!
Holy Spirit: Luck? HAHA! Remember it being as if the Priest was pulling your teeth, for him to get you to confess your sins? Remember Him asking you if you would like to confess them and you did everything you could not to and told him that God would never forgive you but you confessed your sins anyway?
Me: Yes. For many years after, I struggled with thinking He was very angry with me. I walked out that day thinking, pfft, yeah. My life then was hell. I hated being there but didn’t know how to get out. I wasn’t sure if I could. In the state of hell that is. I didn’t want to leave the church.
Holy Spirit: Do you understand now, it was I who was with you, before you acted on my Love for you and you decided to go? Do you know now that it was I who carried you out of that hell you were living in and continue to keep you from there? Do you know now, that is God’s Grace? Do you know now, it was I who planted the seeds of repentance? I who made it possible for you to find the open church? I who made sure the Priest was there for you? I who was with you when you left and stayed with you? I who am STILL with you? I who Love you? I who made everything so EASILY possible for you to return to me? All you did was listen and followed your heart, where I can always be found. Do you know now how much God loves you? How much God loves ALL his children?
Me: I do now. Thank you Lord!
More like the Holy Spirit washing the floor with me…..