Monthly Archives: May 2011

Feast Of The Visitation

When I think of our Holy Mother Mary, setting out alone on the journey to her cousin Elizabeth’s house, to help her in her time of need, I am awe struck at the Blessed Virgins own humility. Elizabeth’s home is about eighty miles or four or five days travel. Not only was the trip long and treacherous, but she herself was expecting. Setting out on a journey to help Elizabeth deliver John the Baptist, she would need supply’s not only for the journey to her home, but also for the time spent with her blessed cousin.

As I am praying the Rosary, I often ponder the “Unseen Army of God” that accompanied her on her journey. What she ate and how she kept warm and how tiring the trip must have been for her seeing as she was carrying with her the most precious cargo known to man. She never worried on the trip as her own pregnancy kept her spirits high and she knew God was with her. For she had been told. “Hail Mary full of grace, the LORD is with thee”.

Upon arriving at Elizabeth’s, she was greeted with jubilation and the sentiment was returned! Even after a grueling four to five day trip on a pack animal, with no water for bathing, but what she had packed or what God had given her on the road for this trip. The trip back home, our Holy Mother was three months further along in her pregnancy with Our Lord and that trip was just as hard if not harder due to the uncomfortable situations. But she did it anyway! Through her humility we can see how she loved not only her cousin, but God and all of mankind.

Luke 1:39-56

Mary set out at that time and went as quickly as she could to a town in the hill country of Judah. She went into Zechariah’s house and greeted Elizabeth. Now as soon as Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the child leapt in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. She gave a loud cry and said, ‘Of all women you are the most blessed, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. Why should I be honoured with a visit from the mother of my Lord? For the moment your greeting reached my ears, the child in my womb leapt for joy. Yes, blessed is she who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled.’
And Mary said:
‘My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord
and my spirit exults in God my saviour;
because he has looked upon his lowly handmaid.
Yes, from this day forward all generations will call me blessed,
for the Almighty has done great things for me.
Holy is his name,
and his mercy reaches from age to age for those who fear him.
He has shown the power of his arm,
he has routed the proud of heart.
He has pulled down princes from their thrones and exalted the lowly.
The hungry he has filled with good things, the rich sent empty away.
He has come to the help of Israel his servant, mindful of his mercy
– according to the promise he made to our ancestors –
of his mercy to Abraham and to his descendants for ever.’

Mary stayed with Elizabeth about three months and then went back home.

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Memorial Day

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

The numbers have names….and family members, friends and strangers who still love them.

Honor The Fallen is a website dedicated to American Service Members who gave all. Please visit and pray for the souls of each and every one. Each soul lost has a story and a family left behind, who know that they can never be replaced.

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Lovely Lady Dressed In Blue

A few weeks ago, I purchased this prayer card. I thought it was beautiful as I was reading it. It brought me back to the innocence of childhood. Last night, or should I say early this morning while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, in front of our Lord, he told me Archbishop Fulton Sheen used to pray it. I looked it up this morning when I got home.

Mary Dixon Thayer who wrote more than one poem for Our Lady, is the author.
This prayer-poem was popularized in the 1950s by Archbishop Fulton Sheen.

Here is the link and below, the prayer below

Lovely Lady Dressed in Blue

Lovely Lady dressed in blue ——-
Teach me how to pray!
God was just your little boy,
Tell me what to say!

Did you lift Him up, sometimes,
Gently on your knee?
Did you sing to Him the way
Mother does to me?

Did you hold His hand at night?
Did you ever try
Telling stories of the world?
O! And did He cry?

Do you really think He cares
If I tell Him things ——-
Little things that happen? And
Do the Angels’ wings

Make a noise? And can He hear
Me if I speak low?
Does He understand me now?
Tell me ——-for you know.

Lovely Lady dressed in blue ——-
Teach me how to pray!
God was just your little boy,
And you know the way.

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Sweet Christ

Sweet Christ, my King; Lord, God my Redeemer
For You so loved the world
at your command, You became the ultimate Gift
The sacrificial Lamb, slaughtered for mankind’s salvation
Giving yourself so sweetly, so freely without malice but in mercy
at Your own hand, from Your own hand, to Your own Hand for the hand of humanity
are alone, together in the blessed Trinity, I beg you please
receive all my works, prayers, love and suffering which are pleasing to you.
I unite my suffering and my entire life in exile to Yours.
Although my pains and sufferings in exile are but a speck of dust
on your sandals compared to Yours, my Sweet Christ
may the love I have for you ensure it never to be shaken off.
This lowly soul seeks only You, O Sweet Christ, in this world and eternity
to share in one love, one sacrifice one suffering and one glory
all yours, in the sweet name of the Most High Jesus Christ

Amen

Inspired at Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament this morning

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It Just So Happened…

This afternoon, it just so happened, I had the pleasure of taking a good friend of mine to the farmers market. Several of the venders sell flowers and I noticed only one of them had sweet peas. I love the scent of them. But more so, the meaning behind them to me. Their fragrance is intoxicating, but the name “Sweet Pea” to me is a personal representation of the “Chi Rho”. The Chi Rho is one of the earliest forms of christogram, and is used by Christians. It is formed by superimposing the first two letters in the Greek spelling of the word Christ ( Greek : “Χριστός” ), chi = ch and rho = r, in such a way to produce the monogram ☧. Although not technically a cross, the Chi Rho invokes the crucifixion of Jesus as well as symbolizing his status as the Christ I see the letter “P” in the symbol as our Lord, and the “X” as His passion. Thus, “Sweet P”. Or Sweet Christ.


(Our Christ The King, photo taken at a different time)

Back to the farmers market. I was able to purchase some bunches of them, and on my way back to dropping Sister back at Church, I wanted to place them in Adoration for our Lord. As I was walking toward the chapel, I noticed that our statue of Christ The King had a small vase and the flowers weren’t exactly perky and the water was rather green. So I dumped out the water and tossed the old flowers away and next to the garbage can, “It Just So Happened”, was a small clean vase. I picked it up, mind you, there is no water available in a close proximity to the statue, and realized “It Just So Happened”, the sprinkler system had just turned on. I was able then, to fill the vase via water from the sprinkler system. I placed some of the Sweet Peas in the vase, and left them at the feet of Christ The King.

“It Just So Happened”, as I was walking to the Adoration Chapel, a woman was walking out. Usually at this time of day, around 3:30 PM or so, there are many souls in the chapel, praying with our Lord. I walked in and was amazed the chapel was empty. He is never supposed to be left alone. I placed the flowers in a small vase and was able to spend more time with our Lord then I had indented to . “It Just So Happened”, it was one of the best personal moments alone with our Lord, I have had.

Wondering why so many “It Just So Happened”? There are no coincidences, only miracles.

EDIT to add: “It Just So Happened” At 6:00 PM this evening, I received a call to go back to adoration for a fill in for someone who could not make it. I did with so much joy. After an hour Adoration began to fill again with souls seeking our Lord. I left and went back to the Statue of Christ the King and “It Just So Happened” that someone placed a religious candle there also. I noticed it while I was there earlier with the flowers, but I hadn’t looked at it, or ever thought to read it. It was brand new and not lit. I picked it up and the prayer was St. Jude “Jesus I confide in you” with the picture of the Divine Mercy. The prayer is as follows:

Jesus, in you I trust:

Oh! Merciful Jesus! whose kindness is infinite and whose treasure of compassion is inexhaustible. I trust infinitely in your mercy which supercedes all your works. I consecrate myself eternally to you so that I may live underneath the rays of your love and mercy which radiate from your Sacred Heart on the cross. I desire to promote your mercy through spiritual and corporal works of mercy. Especially converting sinners, counseling the sick and afflicted and helping the poor. You will protect me as your property and your glory. I fear my weaknesses and trust in your great mercy. May all of humanity come to know the profundity of your great mercy and in it put all of their hope and worship it for all of eternity. Amen

I found this prayer to be so beautiful and so true, “It just so happened” I felt such a deep need to share it with all.

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Pruning The Branches

From desolation, comes new growth. Ever seen a vineyard after the harvest, just after all the vines have been pruned back? It’s a sure sign winter is coming. The entire field looks desolate. No greenery, all the fruit has been picked and sent to market or been pressed into wine. The same goes with how our Lord prunes us back. Sometimes He has to cut us all the way back to the spur, in order for a new shoot to emerge in the spring. What He is doing is removing everything in our souls that do not belong there in the first place. Causing the survival instinct to kick in (Fear of the Lord), and grow again, in a different way. A way which will produce the fruit, or good works, which we were intended to produce. Although it seems painful as we go through the dryness, God always assures us, he is in the field, constantly watching and nurturing his little plants.

Throughout the winter, the soul looks at what it used to be and realizes it no longer is that fruitless plant. It is only a pruned stick, but alive, as it is still attached even in the smallest amount, to the true vine.This is repentance. It does not cry for what it was, but rather looks to the spring to bud anew. Desolation in great or small amounts, is not a death sentence from God but rather His tender loving hand, forming the now tiny branch to do what it was intended to do. To grow where He needs it to grow rather than still a wild vine trying to choke out the branches that do produce the sweetest fruit.

Jesus said:
‘I am the true vine,
and my Father is the vinedresser.
Every branch in me that bears no fruit
he cuts away,
and every branch that does bear fruit
he prunes to make it bear even more.
You are pruned already,
by means of the word that I have spoken to you.
Make your home in me, as I make mine in you.
As a branch cannot bear fruit all by itself,
but must remain part of the vine,
neither can you unless you remain in me.
I am the vine,
you are the branches.
Whoever remains in me, with me in him,
bears fruit in plenty;
for cut off from me you can do nothing.
Anyone who does not remain in me
is like a branch that has been thrown away – he withers;
these branches are collected and thrown on the fire,
and they are burnt.
If you remain in me
and my words remain in you,
you may ask what you will
and you shall get it.
It is to the glory of my Father that you should bear much fruit,
and then you will be my disciples.’
John 15:1-8

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The White Crayon

Ever think something so simple as the white crayon in a box of so many colors could inspire thoughts of God? Well, here goes.

So often, I have used the expression “I’m not the brightest crayon in the box”. I have been pondering exactly who is. How many times I have heard in my own life how people view the white crayon as “Worthless”. To see just how worthless the white crayon is, imagine life without the white crayon. How could dark images be made lighter without it? You see the white crayon adds brilliance and highlights to drawings. Making them pop rather then appearing flat. It adds depth and allows a focal point to be flooded with light. Without that light, the drawing becomes lost in darkness.

The same can and often has been said about faith in God. Far to often we place that “white crayon” of faith in a spot in the box, to where the other colors are more visible. Because the other colors are so much more appealing to the eye. We forget that the “other colors” although important, are not as valuable and distract us from the importance of faith in God.

The more one takes pleasure in lower things, the more he is separated from heavenly love.
–Pope St. Gregory the Great (540-590AD)

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Prayer To St. Michael The Archangel

SAINT MICHAEL
THE ARCHANGEL

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen..

O glorious prince St. Michael,
chief and commander of the heavenly hosts,
guardian of souls, vanquisher of rebel spirits,
servant in the house of the Divine King
and our admirable conductor,
you who shine with excellence
and superhuman virtue deliver us from all evil
, who turn to you with confidence
and enable us by your gracious protection
to serve God more and more faithfully every day.

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I’m Awake

Romans 14:8 If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

I’m awake! I am truly awake in Christ. “You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy”

For so many years, be it my lack of understanding, or lack of wisdom, I finally realize who our Lord is. He is love and forgiveness. He is mercy and understanding. He is justice and fairness. For so many years, I thought that by my constant repenting of my past sins, that somehow our Lord would take that as doing more for Him when the reality is, He, through HIS sacrifice on the cross, and Resurrection has already done it all for us. Us as followers, need to understand that within each soul He lives, He dies, and is resurrected over and over again. Not many times in the same soul, but in each soul one time. My sacrifice is nothing as I live in Him. Sacrificing your life of sin is not a sacrifice but EXPECTED in order to gain friendship with Christ. It is the evil one who will make try and make you believe your “Sacrificing” something of your life of sin but the reality is, it was dust all along. It never belonged in the equalization of life in Christ in the first place.

It is only the evil one who makes our past sins a constant reminder of our failures. It it our Lord who takes our past failures and turns them into triumphs of glory by teaching us to overcoming them, looking past them and taking the soul to new heights by living in such a way as to overcome them by not repeating them. Forgetting them and leaving them in the dust. Therefor to enjoy the gift of LIFE he has given to us. TO share this LIFE with others.

“So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.” Eating dust is exactly what the evil one does and he tries to spit that dust into our faces, blinding us with our own faults. Making us unable to see past them and to enjoy the glory of Jesus Christ. When Satan keeps reminding you of your past sins, the ones you have already confessed, remind him of his future. After we know for a fact, we have sought our Lord for forgiveness and have repented.

“For this reason it says, “Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:14

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Love Is Patient

I was just in a discussion concerning anti Catholic rhetoric. Most by “Christians” stating that THEY are the “Bride Of Christ” who also in many cases state how we are ALL the “Bride”. I can’t help but to envision women fighting over the same “Wedding Dress” and tearing it to shreds. How would the “Bridegroom” respond to that? I also have to mention the same rhetoric coming from some Catholics. I believe God uses EVERYTHING in His arsenal to bring souls closer to him, and “EVERYTHING” belongs to God. Its then up to that soul to SEEK Him and the Truth.

1 Corinthians 13

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

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The Soul As A Football

I can’t help but ponder today, the soul in exile as a football. The kicking team being the world we are born in. The receiving team being Our Lord, quarterback and coach and owner, and most certainly, referee, of course and all the angles and saints, His team. Throughout our entire life, we are presented with choices to do good for the glory of God on the road back home, or bad which take us in the opposite direction and in possession of the opposing team. When we through free will, make decisions, that jeopardize the the soul being recovered by the opposition,  Our Lord in His infinite Wisdom through the Holy Spirit, “Passes” us on to one of His “Saints” to carry us, through their works and life story, so we can see and learn from them, to eventually make it to the “End Zone” to score the touchdown for God.

Sometimes, a “Fleaflicker” is needed from Saint to Saint, when the “Football” is in danger of being recovered by the opposition. In any case, it in time reaches the “End Zone” to score for the receiving team.

I say this, because in my case, Its as if I was originally “Passed” to St. Augustine, the first Saint I could identify with in regards to the stat of my soul in grate danger at the beginning of my conversion,  then to St Thérèse of Lisieux, who taught me how to love,  St Teresa of Avila, who taught me about our Lord’s “Mansions”. Then to St. John of the Cross, who taught me the Dark Night, is a blessing not a punishment and now on to St. Rita of Cascia. Who through her poverty, stayed a wife and mother, finishing her Vocation and then, took on the vocation of Religious Life.

Our Lord, Jesus Christ, always there to keep the “Ball” in the game. The “Ball” must be kept inflated, through the Holy Spirit, prayers and the sacraments. If it loses its air, it is taken out of the game. As the “Ball” is moved up field, there are “Downs”, where the soul is given time to reflect on their life. There are timeouts, in serious moments of the life of the “Ball” where critical issues are evaluated in which way to go with the “Ball”. Until the end of the game. Granted the soul is much more valuable then a “Football”. So to is life real and not a game.

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The Gate

From today’s Gospel reading of John 10:1-10

“I am the gate.
Anyone who enters through me will be safe:
he will go freely in and out
and be sure of finding pasture.”

In pondering this specific passage this morning, I am reminded of the Sacrament of Penance and our Lords “Forgiveness”. Not only is it there to cleanse the souls who have been away from the Church for many years, but also for all, in exile, because we walk out of “The Gate” many times, into this world surrounded by evil, only to run back in through “The Gate” to the refuge of Our Lord. Like new born chicks rush under the wing of their mother for protection.

Once the soul realizes the “Gate” will never lock it out, while in exile, the gift of peace and joy is revealed. The “Gate” is locked shut with the “Sheep” safe inside, when the soul is no longer in exile as long as the “Sheep” returns home before that time comes. The soul then strives for perfection for God and not self. That is why it is SO important to lead a Holy Life in Christ all the days in “Exile”. Because one never knows when his Master will call him home.

One beautiful personal message I received today at Mass was four little words, that carry the weight of the world for me. “I love you, anyway”. So many times have I ran through “The Gate” without even stopping to appreciate how beautiful “The Gate” is and cherish “The Gate” for being there. There is where the joy and peace can be found.

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Replacing “Judas”

This morning, in my typical Saturday routine, I woke up and went to Adoration. Praying for all, and forgiveness for not understanding, and following the path our Lord intended me to follow and came to understand through that little voice, through missed messages we have received from our Lord, also comes love and mercy.

“Now in the Book of Psalms it says: Reduce his encampment to ruin and leave his tent unoccupied. And again: Let someone else take over his office.”

I can only speak for myself and my situation in regards to this topic. Today’s first reading we find the Apostles looking for a replacement for “Judas”. In hearing it, I began to ponder the “Judas” that used to be in me. Judas the traitor, represents to me, the sinner who refuse to ask for forgiveness. He is the personification of the soul before the conversion to Christ Jesus, which takes place in the heart. Who then has replaced him in my soul? “Joseph known as Barsabbas, whose surname was Justus, and Matthias” were the two men to replace Judas. The Apostles could only pick one. Looking at this from my perspective, picking one over the other does not constitute a “Loser” in the choice between the two men. Who can lose anything who is in Christ, but that which Christ has not given to him?

In my case, in the realization of what my true calling was, religious life, verses what it is today through my lack of understanding in my past, wife and mom, I look at the way my life is now taking shape much in the way of this beautiful reading. Let me point out, being a wife & mom is just as beautiful and a blessing as the other. Its just the full “Commitment to Christ” will come when I leave this world, rather then making the sacrifice to do it right now. For now, although our Lord comes first and foremost, I have been given the gift of children and a husband to share in this blessing, who also need my attention. The Holy Spirit called to me so many times, but I didn’t listen. I am listening now. If I would have listened in the past to what our Lord was saying to me, my “Judas” would have been replaced with “Matthias”. As it stands today, my “Judas” has been replaced with “Barsabbas”. Not any less loved, not shown any less mercy or forgiveness, but given a different way to live IN CHRIST.

Barsabbas, is known as St. Joseph Barsabbas. He is still a saint. Just given a different plan of action then Saint Matthias Apostle.

I can’t complain. “Judas” has been replaced.

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Learning Temperance

Receiving, Retaining, and Reflecting

James 1:22-25 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Oh the “Gift” to see yourself in others… Be it good or bad, it is truly a “Gift”.

“But a shoot shall sprout from the stump of Jesse, and from his roots a bud shall blossom. The spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him: a spirit of wisdom and of understanding, a spirit of counsel and of strength, a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the Lord, and his delight shall be the fear of the Lord” (Is 11:1-3).

When I was still a political blogger, but, on the road back home, there is no doubt, the Holy Spirit allowed me to obtain this beautiful gift. Just after the last presidential election, I obtained a bumper sticker with the words “Socialism Sucks” with the Obama logo next to the words. I laughed but in my heart, something very strong, told me not to place it on my car. You see, I was in a crucial point in my conversion, in getting rid of the things in my heart of all that was causing me to be separated from the love of our Lord. Doing away with even the simplest stumbling blocks that caused me distress or all things unholy.

Of course, in a moment of falling, I placed it on my truck anyway. I felt “Icky” with it there. Yes, I do not agree with socialism or communism very strongly, but the very act of placing it on my car to me, was a sign of “Vainglory”. It stuck out in so many ways rather then for what it said, but as a reflection of “Myself” looking for a pat on the back from anyone else who agreed and causing others who did not agree to cringe when they seen it. It just so happened, I was blessed to see the latter of an event as such, with my own eyes.

It had been a few months after placing the sticker on my truck. I was on my way to pick up the children from preschool and I was stopped at a red light. I heard all sorts of screaming from another car, so I looked to my left. There, next to me, was a woman, all shades of purple and green, screaming every “figurative name” known to man, at me. I was set back. First, I couldn’t grasp why she was so angry with me as I hadn’t driven in a manor that would have caused her or her car any amount of harm and then she started to scream at the top of her lungs, “Socialism Sucks???!!! “Socialism Sucks???!!! At least THEY take care of their people” I knew then, my bumper sticker had been the object of her anger. Her anger exculated the more she screamed. At that moment, I heard my heart telling me, look at her, its you. You in your youth. You when things did not go your way. I sat stone face looking at this woman, with so much regret for my sins as I was seeing the mirror image of the person I used to be. I was moved with so much mercy for her, I could not say a word back in any amount of anger. I seen a soul so enraged with hate, I could only pray for her, and make my first priority to remove the sticker when I returned home.

It did not end with the screaming. As the light turned green and traffic began to move, she gunned her car, squealing the tires and cut into my lane, cutting me off, all while screaming at me. I felt no anger towards this poor soul. I felt only compassion for her. Be it that it was the bumper sticker that caused this, or the fact being, it was her final straw before losing all self control, I had been a part of it. How many times in my life I had done such things as this to others. How my rage and anger took over for something so trivial. How I had given so much meaning to things where meaning was never useful for positive growth but rather, was plunging me deeper into darkness. I did not honk at her, I did not yell back, I did not scream, I did not become angry, and most of all, I was not scared of the situation. I just prayed for her, and forgave her, asking our Lord to forgive me, for ever placing the sticker on my car in the first place. Then, thanking Him, for allowing me to see myself in such a way.

This was an extremely valuable lesson for me that day. The gift has given me the ability to see each and every human being in a light so different, including myself, that I can no longer miss God’s love, forgiveness and mercy.

“Through the fear of the Lord, we rise to piety, from piety then to knowledge, from knowledge we derive strength, from strength counsel, with counsel we move towards understanding, and with intelligence towards wisdom and thus, by the sevenfold grace of the Spirit, there opens to us at the end of the ascent the entrance to the life of Heaven” (Homiliae in Hiezechihelem Prophetam, II 7,7)Pope St. Gregory the Great”

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No Ads No Donations

No ads, no donations. I don’t place my thoughts here for ANY monetary reason.

My motivation is my King, Jesus Christ. I’m here for reasons I will see, when I go home.

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Lost And Found


MISSING

Lost Soul

Last seen coated in mortal sin.  Heading for eternal damnation.
Taken by a “Thief In The Night”
No Reward. Not interested in her return.
Good Riddance

I have finally reached a very comfortable point on my road back home. Funny how I can’t even look at photos of myself without thanking God for my conversion. The photos bring back memories that make me realize just how lost I truly was. It to me is a testament to God’s mercy.

I found a photo of my husband and I, just weeks after we had met. I have been praying so intently for a personal issue to God concerning my husband & I and this evening at dinner with my girls, I believe He answered me.

I have been struggling so hard with the “What If” factor regarding “Did I miss my chance God?” The “Chance”? Rather then the vocation of Marriage, dedicating my entire life to God as a religious Sister. There is NO DOUBT I would join a religious order if events in my life were different. Or should I say, if I had not had such a hardened heart once upon a time. I can say without a doubt, my husband was placed in my life, so I could HEAR God calling to me. It was the only way for Him to get my attention. He tried everything else. I just didn’t listen. Now the price I pay, is realizing that I belong to God and would have no problem dedicating my life to Him, but now have my husband under circumstances NOT in line with Catholic teaching.

I was married in the Catholic Church when I was 20 and pregnant. I won’t go into details, but I will say, I didn’t want to do it. I was married for less then six months before papers were filed for a civil divorce. I was divorced just before my 21st birthday. I never filed for an annulment in the Catholic Church, until 2 1/2 years ago. I married my current husband in of ALL places, Caesars Palace, Vegas, Nevada. If your rolling your eyes, I am too. Its not bad enough I divorced and remarried but to get married THERE? “Render unto Caesar”.

Lets bring God back into this post. I don’t believe for a second, our Lord was very happy with me at this union in such a way. As a matter of fact, I know He wasn’t. I should have followed the correct path by filing for the annulment, waiting, THEN having the marriage performed in the Catholic Church. Be it that He was not happy, through His mercy, he blessed us with three children anyway. One we lost while I was at just 7 weeks pregnant, who was a twin to my youngest Chloe. It was through the children God blessed us with, I started remembering how important faith was and started back on the road to Him, after another brief diversion.

As it stands now, my husband & I have been living as brother and sister since my total conversion back to the Catholic Church, until the annulment is complete and a decision is reached. Our relationship is based completely on trust and faith in God. It is not a easy life and it is full of many difficulty’s but its the right thing to do in regards to “Obedience” to God. Its an understood “Chastity” between two people who understand God comes first. I thank God for placing him in my life to get my attention. We have already decided that if the outcome is not in our favor, we will continue to live in this way, as brother and sister, until our children are grown. Then I will dedicate my life to a religious order. If they will take me.

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Halo Or Sainthood

I don’t want to pick on Toyota, my mom drove a one so I’m not picking on them, but their logo best represents to me a false Halo. Placing our worldly wants, no matter what they might be, above the needs of God for our soul and potential Sainthood.

Halo or Sainthood? A question I ask myself all the time to keep myself in check.

Let me clarify.

For me, to seek a “Halo” is to seek the appreciation and acceptance of others by making my Christian life known to man for superficial praise. OR making myself look worthy to God, for others sake, to be worthy to be called a saint rather then living the life He called me to live because He requires me to live as Christ lived.

In this aspect, when I find myself looking to the future of my life with Him in heaven, I need to constantly place Him first. Rather then chasing after the “carrot” at the end of the stick in my life of faith, which would be the “Halo” to make myself known to others. Then ALLOWING God to make my works known. If God whats you to be a well know Saint of His, He most definitely will let your works be known. I do not have to. The more I try, the more I am placing my wants above our Lords.

Sainthood is doing the work our Lord asks of you, for nothing in return, except the LOVE you have for him. No name recognition can replace the love and joy in the soul, when yours is joined with His. Thus, placing your wants last, and placing the love for God first, which manifests itself in the love you have for every soul on earth.

“We are all called to be Saints”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

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Our Lady of Fatima


Prayer to Our Lady of Fatima

Dearest Mother, Queen of the Holy Rosary, who came to Fatima to reveal to all mankind the Divine plan for true Christian peace, of prayer, penance, and consecration, grant an abundance of grace, strength, and guidance to the members of Thy Fatima Crusade, here present and throughout the world. Inspire us to great zeal, oh great Mediatrix of All Graces, that we may be effective instruments in spreading devotion to Thy Rosary; that we may be faithful in wearing Thy scapular; that we may inspire our brothers in Christ to a life of sacrifice, penance, and modesty, and finally, that we may help to bring about that wonderful day when all men, through consecration to Thy Immaculate Heart, shall be one in Christ. Amen.

Hymn to Our Lady of Fatima

Dear Lady of Fatima,
We come on bended knee,
To beg Your intercession,
For peace and unity.

Dear Mary, won’t You show us,
The right and shining way,
We pledge our love and offer You,
A Rosary each day.

You promised at Fatima,
Each time that You appeared,
To help us if we pray to You,
To banish war and fear.

Dear Lady, on First Saturdays,
We ask Your guiding hand,
For grace and guidance here on earth,
And protection for our land.

Act of Reparation to the Immaculate Heart of Mary

Most Holy Virgin, and our beloved Mother, we listen with grief to the complaints of thy Immaculate Heart, surrounded with thorns which ungrateful men place therein at every moment by their blasphemies and ingratitude. Moved by the ardent desire of loving thee as our Mother and of promoting true devotion to thy Immaculate Heart, we prostrate ourselves at thy feet to prove the sorrow we feel for the grief that men cause thee and to atone by means of our prayers and sacrifices for the offenses with which men return thy tender love. Obtain for them and for us the pardon of so many sins. A word from thee will obtain grace and forgiveness for us all. Hasten O Lady, the conversion of sinners, that they may love Jesus and cease to offend God, already so much offended, and thus avoid eternal punishment. Turn thine eyes of mercy toward us so that henceforth we may love God with all our hearts while on earth and enjoy Him forever in Heaven. Amen.

Act of Consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary

O Immaculate Heart of Mary, Queen of Heaven and earth and tender Mother of men, in accordance with thy ardent wish made known at Fatima, I consecrate to thee myself, my brethren, my country and the whole human race. Reign over us and teach us how to make the Heart of Jesus reign and triumph in us and around us as It has reigned and triumphed in thee.

Reign over us, dearest Mother, that we may be thine in prosperity and in adversity; in joy and in sorrow; in health and in sickness; in life and in death. O most compassionate Heart of Mary, Queen of Virgins, watch over our minds and our hearts and preserve them from the deluge of impurity which thou didst lament so sorrowfully at Fatima. We want to be pure like thee. We want to atone for the many sins committed against Jesus and thee. We want to call down upon our country and the whole world the peace of God in justice and charity.

Therefore, we now promise to imitate thy virtues by the practice of a Christian life without regard to human respect. We resolve to receive Holy Communion on the First Saturday of every month and to offer thee five decades of the Rosary each day together with our sacrifices in a spirit of reparation and penance. Amen.


Morning Offering

O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary (kiss Scapular), in reparation for my sins, I offer Thee all of my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of this day and of my entire life, for all the intentions of Thy Most Sacred Heart, in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, validly and licitly offered this day throughout the world, the infinite graces and merits thereof to be dispensed in accord with Thy Divine Will for the salvation of souls, the conversion of poor sinners, and the special intention recommended for this month by our Bishop.

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Seek The Truth

I moved out to San Diego in 2002, and quickly learned its just not the same as back home. Certain things just don’t grow here. Someone, who has lived here for over 25 years, “Told Me” very adamantly that lilacs just don’t grow here. The climate doesn’t produce the flowers as they do on the East Coast or Midwest. I took it for gospel. Missing them very much and pondering how they used to grow in my mom’s back yard. Pondering long since passed on relatives who’s yards were lined with them in full bloom in the spring.

Until today. Well I have to say I will never stop thinking about my mom and my relatives living in Christ now, but I discovered today, just because someone has lived here for many many years, their not always a trustworthy source for information. The above picture was taken this afternoon. It is two giant lilac trees, right out in front of my house, on my neighbors property. Yes, I live in San Diego and they are in bloom. They have been there for some time, and so have I in this home. I did not want to believe they were lilacs, because someone told me they didn’t grow here….

Immediately my thoughts were brought to how in so many similar ways, my diversion away from the Catholic Church came just as easily, because I did not “Investigate” and seek the truth regarding her. I had so many questions regarding the Catholic Church as I was growing up spiritually, but rather then seek council from the Church, I would ask friends, who quite honestly at the time were far from “Faithful” and in many cases, family members who gave me advise THEY believed to be the truth, rather then the actual truth as it has been written and practiced for over 2000 years. I see this easy diversion away from the Church as a major stumbling block that needs to be voiced daily. If your not going to the source, IE Vatican, a Catholic Priest, Nun or Catholic Religious, for your information on the Catholic Church, chances are your getting the wrong information and are being led down a path that will leave you chasing your tail.

If it is Christ you seek. Seek a life in Christ with those whom already are on the path. Your not going to find it in the newspapers. Your not going to find it in friends who do not live a chaste life. Your not going to find it anywhere, but from the source.

“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

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Signs

“So they said, ‘What sign will you yourself do, the sight of which will make us believe in you? What work will you do?”

I ponder this a LOT! I believe in my case, most of the signs I am shown that God is in my life, be it subtle or blatant, usually tend to draw me close to Him. Its been that way since an incident in 1998 that I will not post as of yet. Granted, they didn’t pull me closer to Him at first, but rather sent me on a path of destruction. Destruction of the “Self” that did not belong in His plan for me.

In the beginning of my spiritual conversion back to the Catholic Church, I would see these “Signs” and most of the time be so frightened by them, I would end up running in circles like a chicken with its head chopped off, or in the other direction away from God. I was starving and I didn’t even know it. So lost I didn’t know where to turn. Think of it in the terms of Manna From Heaven and the meaning being What is it? Then setting out on the quest, to find out just “What It Is”.

I called myself a Catholic, after all I was baptized Catholic, received First Holy Communion and Reconciliation and finally Confirmation. I somehow thought that sealed my fate. Until I started receiving the sacraments and using them, being IN communion to receive Communion, praying daily and LEARNING the Catholic Faith I was supposed to be a participating member of.

Today, when I see the signs of our Lord in my life, and they are blatant, I am no longer afraid. I understand them to be a grace and not a punishment. I understand them to be a thank you gift, in advance, from our Lord for being on the correct path, and not only listening to Him, but heeding His advise in where I need to be heading in my Life in Him. Now that I understand and can discern the food from our LORD and that which does not come from Him, I am sustained through Him and there is no replacement for that.

“Jesus answered them: I am the bread of life. No one who comes to me will ever hunger; no one who believes in me will ever thirst.”

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Mother’s Day


When I was very young, about the age of 3 or 4, I remember my mother had this holy card. I used to ask her all the time if it was her because the resemblance is stunning of my mother.

My mother Violet, passed away on June 24, 2002. I became an orphan. My father had passed away in 1996 and it was the end of my family as I knew it. It wasn’t until recently, that I came to understand that our Holy Mother Mary has taken my hand and has become my mother now. Funny really, because she has always been there but I never knew it. It is through her guidance, that I can understand the meaning of motherhood. Motherhood is sacrifice of self for the love of others. Through the greatest gift of LIFE from God.

Happy Mothers Day.

I miss you mom 🙂 Thank you for everything! I love you!


My Mom on her 60’s birthday.

My mom when I was 3 years old…

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Believe

“Yes, God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son,
so that everyone who believes in him may not be lost
but may have eternal life.”

To BELIEVE is to REPENT!

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Kingdom Of Heaven

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard.”

Spiritual eat, sleep and make love.

Eat what the LORD gives you to eat. The good word, His flesh and blood. The wholesome things of this world that keep the soul free from sin. Sleep under the wing of the Holy Spirit. Meaning, do not let your faith fall asleep or your letting heaven from your grasp. Sleep as in the rest on the seventh day. Waking up from rest to start eating what the LORD gives you again. Make love with the word of God. Meaning by every action you do for God for your neighbor, you are making love with the Spirit and not in selfishness. You are being the parent “Sparrow” feeding the flock still in the nest. Do sparrows let others feed their children or do they make sure their fledglings are covered? They do as God created them.

Before the fall in the garden, Adam and Eve had life in which all they had to do was eat what the LORD provided, nurture or take care of the garden and sleep under His watchful eye. This is the peace to seek because it is still here. Its just sin put a damper on it being for eternity in the state we currently live.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7

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All The King’s Horses

Nothing causes more fear and trembling to non believers then the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So many times have they been blown out of proportion by Hollywood and writers that there is more human curiosity to them, rather then to Our King, Jesus Christ, who commands them. I to was one of those. In my youth I used to think how cool it was to be able to bring death and destruction to the world. How cool it would be to hold the world in pestilence and wows and all those who causes me harm or called me names. Not taking into account, that death and destruction in this world, has no limit. Imagine the same death and destruction caused to our enemies, will be issued to our family’s, friends, children, and every soul we love, whom we wish harm to. Then imagine being the footstool for all of them, for eternity. I in some strange way, wish every human being could go on a “Ride Along” with them to see how much pain it causes the soul to see such things. Just a simple note to make sure we all understand who’s death we are cheering about in regards to who our “Enemies” are in this time of man’s war. Yes, I am speaking of Osama Bin Laden. Every human being has a soul that was created by God. Treat them as such and pray for mercy, not justice. Yes they danced in the streets on 9/11, but that does not mean we have been given ANY right to also, least we become our enemy.

“But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”

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Reflection On Blessed Pope John Paul II

The highlight of Pope John Paul II’s visit to Chicago in October 1979 was a three-hour Mass in Grant Park, attended by an estimated 200,000 people. (Photo courtesy AP / Wide World)

I must say sorry for this being so late, but I was captivated most of the weekend and days following by so much going in that I hadn’t had a chance to put this to the pen, or in this case, to the fingertips.

I was blessed in so many ways, on that warm October 5th day in 1979. I was 12 years old and all the Catholic Schools were given the day off to attend the mass in Grant Park. My mother took me and my brother on the train to make sure we had the chance to see the Pope. We waited on the parade route with so many people. I had never seen so many people before. As we waited for the motorcade I began to walk up the street where the crowd was thin. As I made my way through the people to get closer to the curb, now, Blessed Pope John Paul II was heading our way. I stood in awe as his car slowed to a snails pace and he blessed all standing on the side of the street. I’m sure everyone in that huge crowd of people could say the same thing, but I know in my heart, as I stood there, he looked directly at me and blessed me and the people around me. I was emptied of every ill feeling in the world in that split second and felt a joy and love I had never felt in my life. From that day on, I loved him so dearly. To see his photo or hear him speak on television always brought a smile to my face. And in every way today, continues to have the same effect on me. He was and will always be “Papa” to me. Great will be his title.

When I think of that day now, I know in my heart, I have him to thank for putting in the good word.

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Blue In The Face

I have to admit lately its as if I have such a zeal to spread the Gospel, and share everything in regards to my faith that I have been in a slump thinking no one cares to hear what I or others have to say anymore. But I continue day after day, putting words on this blog, seeing for myself that every second I am here in exile, our LORD is with us. In all my actions, my thoughts and very specifically in the souls placed in my life. I can’t justify in any way, ever stopping the spread of the message and placing my pondering in this blog and elsewhere.

For a very long time now, even before the start of this blog, I wrestled with an overpowering thought of “You can talk to them until your blue in the face”. It has been on my mind for many many years. Granted, more times then not, I do but the result is not as you would think. Speaking until your blue in the face does not necessarily mean your talking to a brick wall, or that no one cares or is listening. It only now to me, means, talking until I am blue in the face, or, until I am dead. Never giving up until our LORD takes me home.

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X Marks The Spot

A few weeks ago, I started sitting closer to the altar so I could see the Priest break the body of our LORD. Yesterday at Mass, I was given the grace of not being able to see, but to hear. Although I was sitting very close, close enough to see, there was a post in my view and when I moved, there was a photo of our Holy Mother holding The Child Jesus.

For some reason, He allowed me to hear the fraction in such a way, it echoed through the cathedral and seemed as if it would never stop. The priest microphone was positioned just right, it picked up every note of the song being played by the consecration of His body. It was the most beautiful song I have ever heard. It had been quite some time since I had heard it played in such a way.

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Extra Candle Stands

I have been pondering if I should post this or not and it has taken me some time to do so, but here goes.

Saturday morning, I woke up very early for adoration. My normal hour is from 6 to 7 AM. This week I had gotten there by 5:30 AM. It was a normal morning and Eleanor, a woman who is there that hour was surprised to see me so early, but quite happy about my decision to come early. I walked in and bowed down before doing anything, giving our LORD all my attention. Then I signed the book and walked over to where our LORD was. I noticed two new candle stands. Four total, two directly on either side of the tabernacle, and two new stands, very much lit, next to them but covering the back of the tabernacle. The only reason I noticed it, and it kept my attention was because when I sat “Watching His Back”, I actually squeezed between the candle stands to kiss the tabernacle. I was afraid I might knock them over because there were flowers there also. After some time, I moved back to the front of the tabernacle and prayed a bit longer.

As I sat there, a huge moth flew in the window and landed inside one of the lights and he became stuck in it. When I say huge, I thought it might have been a humming bird. It was to high up for me to reach him to get him out and Eleanor even commented about how I was the one who brought him in with me. I quickly reminded her it came in the window. I walked back again to the back of the tabernacle and sat there for a few moments soon realizing, the new candle stands with the lit candles that I squeezed between, were no longer there. But there was a holy candle in a glass sleeve sitting by the door. I have been pondering this ever since.

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God’s Will

What is God’s will? I think the only what to answer this question would be to look at His spouse, our Holy Mother Mary. Once she accepted to do the will of God “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it to me according to your word.” not only was she giving in to God 100% but also giving up her life to sere Him. She no longer had Free Will, but God’s Will. Meaning, no matter what she did, it was pleasing to Him. Mary, is then, God’s will in the physical being. She was also “Full of Grace” meaning she was unable to offend God, because she was sinless.

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