MISSING

Lost Soul

Last seen coated in mortal sin.  Heading for eternal damnation.
Taken by a “Thief In The Night”
No Reward. Not interested in her return.
Good Riddance

I have finally reached a very comfortable point on my road back home. Funny how I can’t even look at photos of myself without thanking God for my conversion. The photos bring back memories that make me realize just how lost I truly was. It to me is a testament to God’s mercy.

I found a photo of my husband and I, just weeks after we had met. I have been praying so intently for a personal issue to God concerning my husband & I and this evening at dinner with my girls, I believe He answered me.

I have been struggling so hard with the “What If” factor regarding “Did I miss my chance God?” The “Chance”? Rather then the vocation of Marriage, dedicating my entire life to God as a religious Sister. There is NO DOUBT I would join a religious order if events in my life were different. Or should I say, if I had not had such a hardened heart once upon a time. I can say without a doubt, my husband was placed in my life, so I could HEAR God calling to me. It was the only way for Him to get my attention. He tried everything else. I just didn’t listen. Now the price I pay, is realizing that I belong to God and would have no problem dedicating my life to Him, but now have my husband under circumstances NOT in line with Catholic teaching.

I was married in the Catholic Church when I was 20 and pregnant. I won’t go into details, but I will say, I didn’t want to do it. I was married for less then six months before papers were filed for a civil divorce. I was divorced just before my 21st birthday. I never filed for an annulment in the Catholic Church, until 2 1/2 years ago. I married my current husband in of ALL places, Caesars Palace, Vegas, Nevada. If your rolling your eyes, I am too. Its not bad enough I divorced and remarried but to get married THERE? “Render unto Caesar”.

Lets bring God back into this post. I don’t believe for a second, our Lord was very happy with me at this union in such a way. As a matter of fact, I know He wasn’t. I should have followed the correct path by filing for the annulment, waiting, THEN having the marriage performed in the Catholic Church. Be it that He was not happy, through His mercy, he blessed us with three children anyway. One we lost while I was at just 7 weeks pregnant, who was a twin to my youngest Chloe. It was through the children God blessed us with, I started remembering how important faith was and started back on the road to Him, after another brief diversion.

As it stands now, my husband & I have been living as brother and sister since my total conversion back to the Catholic Church, until the annulment is complete and a decision is reached. Our relationship is based completely on trust and faith in God. It is not a easy life and it is full of many difficulty’s but its the right thing to do in regards to “Obedience” to God. Its an understood “Chastity” between two people who understand God comes first. I thank God for placing him in my life to get my attention. We have already decided that if the outcome is not in our favor, we will continue to live in this way, as brother and sister, until our children are grown. Then I will dedicate my life to a religious order. If they will take me.