This morning, in my typical Saturday routine, I woke up and went to Adoration. Praying for all, and forgiveness for not understanding, and following the path our Lord intended me to follow and came to understand through that little voice, through missed messages we have received from our Lord, also comes love and mercy.

“Now in the Book of Psalms it says: Reduce his encampment to ruin and leave his tent unoccupied. And again: Let someone else take over his office.”

I can only speak for myself and my situation in regards to this topic. Today’s first reading we find the Apostles looking for a replacement for “Judas”. In hearing it, I began to ponder the “Judas” that used to be in me. Judas the traitor, represents to me, the sinner who refuse to ask for forgiveness. He is the personification of the soul before the conversion to Christ Jesus, which takes place in the heart. Who then has replaced him in my soul? “Joseph known as Barsabbas, whose surname was Justus, and Matthias” were the two men to replace Judas. The Apostles could only pick one. Looking at this from my perspective, picking one over the other does not constitute a “Loser” in the choice between the two men. Who can lose anything who is in Christ, but that which Christ has not given to him?

In my case, in the realization of what my true calling was, religious life, verses what it is today through my lack of understanding in my past, wife and mom, I look at the way my life is now taking shape much in the way of this beautiful reading. Let me point out, being a wife & mom is just as beautiful and a blessing as the other. Its just the full “Commitment to Christ” will come when I leave this world, rather then making the sacrifice to do it right now. For now, although our Lord comes first and foremost, I have been given the gift of children and a husband to share in this blessing, who also need my attention. The Holy Spirit called to me so many times, but I didn’t listen. I am listening now. If I would have listened in the past to what our Lord was saying to me, my “Judas” would have been replaced with “Matthias”. As it stands today, my “Judas” has been replaced with “Barsabbas”. Not any less loved, not shown any less mercy or forgiveness, but given a different way to live IN CHRIST.

Barsabbas, is known as St. Joseph Barsabbas. He is still a saint. Just given a different plan of action then Saint Matthias Apostle.

I can’t complain. “Judas” has been replaced.