Today, June 4th would have been my mom’s 81st birthday. She passed away June 24th, 2002 after a long eight year and tiresome battle with lung cancer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. -. Job 1:21
My mothers death was a very dramatic turning point in my family. The security of mom & dad was gone. My father had passed away in 1996, also due to lung cancer witch left a serious gaping hole in a family that was very closely knit. From that point on, it was as if that tight knit quickly became unraveled. Each strand going in a different direction to be used in a new garment.
Her cancer diagnosis came a year before my fathers death. From the second I got the news of her illness in 1995, nothing was ever the same again. It became very apparent to me, God is in control, not us. I prayed very hard that day, and every day following, for the first time in a very long time. I asked God to please let it be me instead of her.
As the years passed, my mom was in and out of the hospital many times close to death and so many times pulling out of its grip, I grew closer to her then I have ever at any time in my life. Of course, we only love deeper when we are about to lose someone. Also at this time, I had no clue what God was doing to me. It seemed as if I had one foot nailed to the floor and I was walking in a circle, getting punched in the face every other step I took in that circle. Shattering everything I thought was good and exposing it as not good at all. Everything I had always known, was being taken away. What at the time looked so evil, I only up until a couple of years ago, realized was so great, only God could do these things. God was allowing my backside to be kicked. With good reason. I was being “Sifted like wheat” for the first time. By the time He was done with me, I had nothing left but my faith in Him.
At that time, I lost my job, had to sell my home, couldn’t afford to take care of my daughter so she went to live with a sister. Her father refused to take her in. I ended up moving in with my mom to take care of her the January before her death in June, and due to so many of my own personal problems, I couldn’t take care of her either. My mom, just a few months from death, moved into my sisters home I believe in April after a hospitalization. A sister who is a nurse. I was trying to escape from a horrible emotionally abusive relationship, dealing with my rape trial on the horizon and several other things. Before her hospitalization I had taken my mom at her request, to an “Anointing of the Sick” mass, to which she told me, I needed to be anointed also, as I was suffering so greatly from mental issues on top of everything else. Little did I know at the time, the effects of that anointing, brought dramatic change. I slowly began to let everything that disturbed me, go. My mom was the only one I ever spoke to in great detail about faith, after my dad had passed away. She was the one who told me “Never lose your faith”.
A few weeks before her death, my mother bought me an airline ticket to Vegas. My sister who was living in San Diego was going to be there on business and my mother wanted me to get out of Chicago for a few days to just relax. On her deathbed, she asked my sister from San Diego to take me in to get me away from Chicago and away from everything to start new. At her funeral, my sister asked me to move to San Diego. I had always felt San Diego calling me to move there but never thought it would come to be. I had so many bills to take care of and the deal with my sister was to have them paid off, then I would move in with her. After her death, I took that trip to Vegas. I don’t gamble but I did there. I brought only fifty dollars with me and when I got home, I had close to five thousand. I knew my mom and God were with us. I paid off all my bills immediately, packed up my car with very little and left. I arrived in August of 2002 and I met my husband in April of 2003. God blessed us with our fist child, Violet, named after my mom, born on June 24th, just three years to the day of my mom’s passing. The Lord taketh away and the Lord giveth.
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18
Little did I know that day that I found out I was going to lose my mom, He heard me. He didn’t take me physically yet, as I am still here, but rather answered my prayer with a conversion of heart. I see her in my thoughts I keep in my heart every day. One day, I will see her face to face again.
Thanks Mom. I never lost my faith. Nor will I ever.