Joy In Destruction Of Self


Isaiah 55:1 “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

In the past few months in my absence, our Lord has been keeping me very busy. So busy, I haven’t found any time to spend wallowing in self pity or my past sinful nature. Or should I say, when He has given me time for this, I pray rather the do this. The guilt of my past is gone and has been replaced with love. He has granted my soul with many gifts. So many gifts it would be impossible to list them. I have found our Lord in every action, in every moment of time I have been using. Imagine putting a puzzle together. Each puzzle piece representing the gifts from our Lord. Each individual piece containing numerous instances of God’s grace in your life. So numerous, you could never count them. Or if you tried to, it would take the rest of your life to do so. Seeing the forest for the trees would be the best description. When one full piece is placed next to the matching piece, the picture becomes clearer and the drive to finish the puzzle is overwhelming. Not in a way that would be considered to be under pressure to complete it, but rather freely completing it because no other joy on this level has ever been attained. This I can only call the gift of life. You see yourself not able to do anything but His will and self is empty.

What I have been able to do, though God’s grace, is ponder how He has destroyed everything in my life He never placed in my soul, that I should believe myself to be, to begin with. The joy found in this magnificent destruction of the self, is overwhelming. Its calming and true peace. Where for so many years, my life was as a desert dust storm. Sand blowing in every direction never knowing where it was to land. Never knowing what its true purpose was, but to reek turmoil in the path of all it should encounter. Making life miserable for all who entered as I was miserable and did not know where to turn or what to do. I listened to wind and those who kicked me up and landed in the direction where they had kicked me. I tried to fill the forms others had made for me and could never be what they wanted me to be. I was dried up.

Doing continual work for our Lord, praying continually, attending mass not only on Sundays and Holy Days, but every day, constant receiving of the Sacraments, through Christ, He continually waters me. The joy of not only seeing His work, but knowing His word is eternal, brings fourth such a peace through knowing He is King. He is truth. Everything He said, is true. He never changes. He changes us. Truth that so many miss in this world and don’t even know it. Yet seek this peace in material possessions and never find it. What absolute awe to see God destroy the things in a soul for the only purpose, His, to replace them with love.

Leave a comment

Filed under Reflections

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s