Monthly Archives: February 2012

Spiritually Crippled

So many times, so many many times in my life I could not move forward, away from the things that crippled me.

Hate, vengeance, cruelty, greed, depression, aggression…. These are all things that cripple the spirit. Imagine you were hit by someone and it broke the skin. Now imagine explaining the act to everyone you see the rest of your life and when you do, you pick the scab off the wound and make it bleed over and over again. Now, we have a wound that never heals and the person goes to the Dr for medication for it and no matter how much topical lotion is placed on the wound, it does not heal. Insanity right?

When we continue to feed them, they grow to a point which blots out the entire view our soul has of God. They become our wheel chair. We become trapped and led around by our own hate for others, no matter what is said to us in return, it is taken out of context and applied to some sort of vengeful act against us. The entire world seems to be picking on us rather then comforting us. So and so did this to ME!

The same thing needs to apply to sin. When we become so entangled in sin we become so lost. We look to medication and doctors to cure us of our “Depression” when the reality is, only God can cure a sick soul. We never want to look at the obvious causes of our problems, being we just are refusing to listen to God. We seek justification from our peers and want to believe anything but the truth. Until we can no longer move in any direction and the weight of the world crushes us underneath its weight.

I was spiritually crippled. So many times while I was battling with my family who thinking I was mentally ill, and my believing them, all the while, I just wanted to go to confession and get right with God. There isn’t a pill made that could replace the Sacrament of Confession nor the cleansing hands of a Catholic Priest. But no one outside of the faith could ever understand this. All I heard during this time was “are you taking the meds?” I was, but they would never work to make my sinful life OK. All that crushing weight was the last straw giving out in my soul causing depression, causing me to think God was mad at me. I had no place left to turn. Now that I have “Turned” back to God, there is no other place I want to go.

Today’s Gospel, is about healing. Healing through many hands and should bring a repentant soul so much joy. To hear the words ‘My child, your sins are forgiven.’ breaks any ice of sin that had kept a soul from moving closer to our Lord.

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Spiritually Blind

Today’s gospel of Jesus healing the blind man was a blatant reminder of my conversion. The spiritual blindness I shared with the actual blind man in this account is stunning.

I can’t help but go into detail….

Gospel, Mark 8:22-26

22 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought to him a blind man whom they begged him to touch.

23 He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. Then, putting spittle on his eyes and laying his hands on him, he asked, ‘Can you see anything?’

24 The man, who was beginning to see, replied, ‘I can see people; they look like trees as they walk around.’

25 Then he laid his hands on the man’s eyes again and he saw clearly; he was cured, and he could see everything plainly and distinctly.

26 And Jesus sent him home, saying, ‘Do not even go into the village.’

When I hear these words, I see the “Village” as being the world. Or the worldliness of souls. The evil, the sin the decay of the heart. In order to cure the man, Jesus had to take him OUT of the village. The laying of hands and the spittle is an outward sign of what is needed to cure the sick. That tiny amount of spittle, is actually a tsunami of grace from God. When He asked the man “Can you see anything” and the blind man was could only see people as trees, it meant that he did not have his full vision and could not yet understand what Jesus was doing to him.

During this time of my conversion, I was very confused. Having been in the world and understanding things as I did , the wrong way for so long, I could not grasp the reality of what the Holy Spirit was doing to me. I had not yet received the gifts needed to attain understanding. It had only been the first wave of grace and along with it came the test, being, was I going to be worth His time to do this for me. He knew the answer, but I did not. I needed to grow in faith in order to receive the next wave.

“Then he laid his hands on the man’s eyes again and he saw clearly;”

This is the wave of gifts from the Holy Spirit that keep you focused on our Lord. The desire to do His will and let everything you once knew vanish. The giving up of ones self for the sake of the Truth..
When we get to Jesus telling the man, ” And Jesus sent him home, saying, ‘Do not even go into the village.’ I can identify with this being a warning. Our Lord had just cleaned this man up and did not want him to fall back into the sinful world. There was nothing worth seeing with his “New Eyes” yet. He needed to grow further in faith and trust in the Lord in order to battle the evil he would be soon seeing when he HAD to go back into the village.

Once your eyes are opened wide, the things you used to do before your conversion become very troublesome. You no longer find comfort in the world you once knew, but can only find comfort in what is good.

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Child Of God

“Child of God”. What exactly does it mean to be a child of God? This is what it means to me….

When I was in grammar school, I had become friends with a girl who in many ways, became a good friend. Only today, can I truly appreciate this particular situation that had taken place on her birthday.

I was in many ways an introvert. Although I had some friends, I could only be comfortable having one good friend at a time. I always sought the deeper meaning to why I wasn’t enticed to the external world. There was a peace I had found in spending time alone, but a lot of turbulence in not being able to merge life and living, as EVERYONE my age was doing, with the inner peace and solitude I found comfort in. The reality was, I was struggling with what the world wanted me to be, rather then what God intended me to be.

My friend, was an extrovert. She always seemed to be going places, meeting many people, participating in programs after school and I loved that about her. That aspect of her persona sparked in me and I wanted to do these things too. But I didn’t know how. I had for so long thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t like the other kids, I started to believe, something was wrong with me because I wasn’t just like everyone else.

Her birthday was coming and it was all everyone was talking about at school. There was this great party planned it was the talk of our school. EVERYONE was going. EVERYONE was going to be there. I got the invitation and when I got home, I hid it and never told my mom, but told my friend, I would be there. There was a fear that by attending this party, I would be leaving what I had come to know. Where I was comfortable. On a different occasion, she had invited me to go someplace with her and her brother and her dad. I wanted to go SO bad. She had a horse and I loved horses but hers was a race horse and he was going to be at a racetrack. When I asked my dad if I could go, he shook his head and told me what kind of a family takes children to a place like that. NO! Immediately followed. I was crushed. I had no idea what things could take place there, all I knew at that age was there was a horse and I wanted to see him. Its only now that I can see my dad was protecting me. Sheltering me from things, that might have been, I had no business to see at my young age. As innocent as it was in my mind. Its not that they were a bad family, they were not, its the place they were going was out of my dads reach. He couldn’t keep an eye on me to ENSURE I was going to be OK.

The day of her party came and I was playing outside. My mom came to me and said, your friend in on the phone wondering where you are! Today is her party and your not there! Why didn’t you tell me about this! I looked down in shame and said I didn’t want to go. My mom knew I really liked my friend. She had introduced me to a softball and I had joined a teem we played together on also. My mom pulled me inside and told me; you told her you were going, your going! She cleaned me up and drove me to the party and when it was over, brought me back home. During the party, all the kids had a great time! Including me! I might not have danced as much, but I enjoyed the fact everyone else was having fun!

Such is life. God the Father drives us here and picks us up when the party is over. All the while, knowing where we are at every second. While at the party, many things can happen and do. There are souls who want to go to other party’s, because the one we are all at isn’t fun enough and leave without asking “Dads” permission or telling “Him” where they are going. Thinking He will never know. We forget that when He drops us off at the party, we are not alone. He sends His “Body Guards” with us to keep an eye on us the entire time because He loves us. If we do something at the party before asking Him, and it gets us tangled in a big mess, He is there to free us and our Brother comes to bail us out. The key is not to wait until the mess is big but rather seek His permission before the mess could be made. If we get into a situation where we promise someone that we are going to be there for them, We are promising to God. God gives us “extra spending money”, everything you will need for the things at the party, meaning the gifts we need to ensure the decision we have made, and live within His boundaries, then this is “Dad” telling us, it is OK, but ask Me first.

I love you Dad.

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Presentation Of Our Lord

“When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord”

Children are a gift of God. They are not ours to keep. Just as our Holy Mother Mary offered our Lord to God, we to are called to do so through the sacraments. We start with the sacrament of Baptism. As “Stewards” to this great gift of Children, we are called to bring them up in the faith, abandoning self. To often we manipulate our children and push them in directions our Lord has not designed for them. We want them to succeed in this world and overlook the fundamental right God has over them first. We look at what WE want them to be, rather then what God created them to be.

I would bet my life there are thousands of “should have been” Catholic Sisters and Priests, in meaningless jobs today, lost in this world, because of a lack of direction as children, because mom & dad wanted grandchildren or their children to become SOMEONE.

The second we are conceived, we are someone whom God willed to give life to. To do His will and not ours.

To often we believe that having children means they are OURS and we can do anything we want, not taking into account that we were children once. We also believe having children is our right. Its not a right to have them but a Gift from God, given to us as “Stewards” to Him. They are to be brought up knowing our Lord and to do His will as they ALL belong to Him. Just as we all belong to Him. He is the “Creator” of all life.

When we do not give the children back to God, meaning, being there to teach them about God, and the faith we have in Him, the question becomes, who are we raising them for if they are not for God?

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Religious Persecution

On the road to Calvary, Jesus fell for us three times. He tells us all the time, I fell for you because I love you! Will we fall away from our sins and our worldly ways and desires for Him? This is a time to choose.

Back in July of last year, as I was attending Mass, at the exact second of the consecration of the wine into His blood, I looked down and in my engagement ring was the reflection of the face of our Lord from this stained glass window. I could not see the diamond at all, just His face looking up at me, telling me in my heart and in person, I fell for you.

A friend had told me yesterday that her mother said that since the US has been consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of our Holy Mother Mary, that she believed the US would NEVER fall. I told her in so many words, the consecration in itself to Mary is a gift from God. Just as all gifts from God are given freely, we have the choice to receive them and “Nurture” them, or send them back. Just because EVERY nation on earth has been consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary is not a guarantee of not failing. The Nations then must accept or deny the gift! Do you see the nation “Repenting” from her ways and doing God’s will?

It doesn’t take much to look back on the last 40 years of American history to see the major decline of morals and values in this nation. Not only in her culture but also in her laws that trample over the very simple right to life that is the gift from God.

What is Religious Persecution?

Persecution may be defined in general as the unlawful coercion of another’s liberty or his unlawful punishment, for not every kind of punishment can be regarded as persecution. For our purpose it must be still further limited to the sphere of religion, and in that sense persecution means unlawful coercion or punishment for religion’s sake.

The word “martyr” means “witness.” White martyrdom consists in a total offering to God, dying to self, the world, and its allurements. God calls us as followers of Christ, to be just that! To seek Him in all things. To do His will and to abandon self. We are all called to be Saints.

In the slightest amounts, Religious Persecution can be a spouse or family member, friends, and so on, refusing to speak to you because you attended a church function. Be it Mass, Adoration, attending to the homeless or the sick, rather then staying home with him or her, or going to a sporting event on a given day. Constant criticism of you because of your faith and even in the more extreme cases, a spouse divorcing you, because you refuse to abandon your faith in Christ. Christ tells us to bare these crosses with patience, love and fortitude. The virtue of fortitude enables one to conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions, through our love for Christ. I often ponder when this is the case with me, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do”.

Today we can see it prevalent in our our US Government in regards to forcing Catholic Hospitals to perform Abortions, hand out contraceptives and also the government stepping in and telling Christian organisations how and what they can do, such as forcing Catholic orphanages to agree to adopt children to openly gay couples, when the reality is, there are many other outlets for such people to go to who do not share then beliefs as the organization they could obviously patronize.

On the other side of the spectrum, it is being put to death because of your faith. This is called “Red Martyrdom”. The spilling of your blood for the sake of our Lord.

In either case, we all must face making the choice to follow Christ, or to abandon Him and our faith and chose to follow the world. I can not chose the world. I do however, have to live in it. To do so is to have a strong need and want to do His will and abandon mine. To be obedient to Him. This day, He calls to all of us, to use our voices, to speak His words and live as He lives. To BELIEVE in Him, is to accept His way.

I can not abandon my Lord. I love Him. I am in love with Him. He chose me before I was born. Today, I freely choose Him.

“Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

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