“I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.” Romans 9:3
When I see my family members, my friends, new and old, when I look into the face of anyone, I beg God to give me the grace to tell them what He wants me to say. Sometimes He does, and sometimes, I just look at them with so much anguish in my heart, I don’t know what to say. Living the faith can be excruciatingly painful at times. Especially when you see people you love, those you know and those you do not, living in such a way you know is wrong. When you continually search your own heart first, you grasp a better understanding as to why they do what they do, because you yourself have done these things, before you knew God. Its a love for neighbor over self, but not above the love you have for God.
At every turn lately, its seems this love is unwanted by those I share it with. Its as if they are to busy with the world to want anything God is offering. The only joy I find anymore, is the joy given to me by God. I have never asked anyone to believe in me, but rather to believe in God. The cross is a heavy one, often dragging on the ground, tilling the ground behind as I walk. I don’t know why our Lord shares this with me.
God knows and I will share it to the end, even in times when they don’t want it.
This must be the valley of tears I heard so much about…
4 responses to “Weight”
It is difficult to see “people you love, those you know and those you do not, living in such a way you know is wrong.” A very wise spiritual director of mine once suggested to me that maybe the calling we have is to pray for those members because we do not know what the Holy Spirit is doing in their lives, and if we go in to “help” it may block something significant that God is calling them to do, to learn, to experience
Will be keeping you in thoughts and prayers
I can relate I just my conversion last year. I speak about God but they dont want to hear. Sometimes I say whats the use. but then something pulse me back and I feel humble again.
A few years ago, I told my 2 brothers that I wouldn’t accept their same-sex relationships. I didn’t lecture, yell, or point fingers. A situation had come up where I had to make a choice either for them or for God. As a result of choosing for God, I was told by my 4 siblings that I am no longer part of the family. A wise spiritual director helped me too. Now, in love, I pray for my sibings. Yes, the cross is heavy, but well worth it.
As I continued reading through Romans after writing this, I came to Romans 9:16 “t does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.” Which is so true! Later in prayer, as I was praying the Divine Mercy chaplet, it hit me that this is the reason we HOPE in God and never stop praying. The joy returned 🙂