All the pain and suffering in this world is not caused by God but by a lack of belief in Him. Lack of trust in Him. Lack of faith in Him. Lack of love for Him.

He taught me this personally today. I spent most of today, after Mass, with friends who are not Catholic and most who downright do not believe in God. Every time I go into the world, I find myself withdrawn. I become very uncomfortable and spend most of the time, even surrounded by friends, in silent prayer. I’m with them in their homes, in body, but I’m not there. In every conversation, I find myself watching every word spoken, every gesture, every movement, looking for an opportune time to stand up for the faith or to stand up for our Lord. I see things from a point of view that comes from a place of security in our Lord. I am always on guard. There is no time for rest in the world. It’s a dark, miserable place and souls don’t even know they are there.

Since 1998 I have been surrounded by so many souls who do not believe in God, the pain has been unbearable at times. Some say they do, but continue to hurt Him by living as the world lives. I thought for the longest time God was mad at me and I was serving some sort of punishment. WRONG! Although I have cried many tears and suffered greatly for hurting our Lord through my sins, He is showing me how my total trust in Him, total LOVE for Him is SAVING me! His love is NEVER punishment. He is showing me how much He loves ME! How much he LOVES every soul! How much MERCY He has for EVERY soul on earth! Seriously! All the pain I have and it is DEEP hurting pain, utter anguish at times, is not caused by Him. Its caused by the souls around me who don’t know Him.

While pondering a conversation today with a friend I was with, that I had with earlier about her children and the reason they were not baptized, mind you, she brought up the topic, although surrounded by friends at a party, I walked by myself and came to stop under a tree. I looked up, feeling the pain of my surroundings and the gentle Voice came to my heart telling me exactly where my pain and suffering had been coming from this entire time. Its the lack of faith in God. Lack of belief in Him that is causing me all my pain. When I see the disregard for Him everywhere, it is like a thousand cuts to my soul. God isn’t doing this to me. The world is doing this to me. God is taking away my pain and replacing it with His love. I know this because the peace and tranquility when I am with Him can never be described in words. Its pure ecstasy and every time I suffer like this, He is with me to see me through. All the time!