There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18
This week of lent, our parish has been hosting two wonderful redemptive Priests who are holding a Mission of the Cross of our Lord. I have been attending all week and have found them to be awe-inspiring. But this morning, was miraculous.
Today’s reflection was on healing and forgiveness. I have forgiven every soul in my life for everything but there was always something I felt that was in the way of my total healing. something holding me back and I could never put my finger on it. As I focused completely on the prayers with my heart this morning, I realized what was holding me back. Fear. Fear for others not listening to our Lord. Fear of others being separated from the love of God through the choices that they have made and continue to make.
As I was reminded of this through meditation and prayers of this morning, I began to have a strong pain in the pit of my stomach. It began to become stronger the more I focused on this issue and when I prayed for our Lord to remove this from me, the pain started to move upward, from my stomach and what felt like my esophagus and then I had this huge pain stuck for a bit in my throat. My eyes closed, I see the image of our Holy Mother Mary, in the painting of our Mother of Perpetual Help. She is the principal patron of the fathers giving this mission. Redemptorist Missionaries. I could barely think, let alone pray anymore but the pain continued to move until it was gone. It was without a doubt, our Lord removing a deep hook that I had swallowed. One that certainly held me back from healing. I can not say anymore about this now, as I truly need to pray and spend time in silence and contemplation of the love that has replaced that pain.