I couldn’t have said it better as I have been living this for many years. Glory to God….
REPENTANT SUFFERING by Mother Angelica ~
The sinner who suddenly realizes God’s love for him and then looks at his rejection of that love, feels a loss similar to the death of a loved one. A deep void is created in the soul and a loneliness akin to the agony of death. The soul feels wrapped in an icy grip of fear. This is not, however, the fear of punishment, but the realization of its ingratitude towards so good and loving a God. Sorrow begins to heal the wounds made by sin and God Himself comforts the soul with the healing balm of His Mercy and Compassion.
If the sin were great, the soul, humbled by self-knowledge, remembers its weakness so as never to offend God again, but forever rejoices in His Mercy. This combination of mourning and comfort keeps the soul in a state of dependence and trust in God, who sought and found His lost sheep.
Man seeks to make up for his sins in some positive way. A thief gives away something to the poor; a man with a temper seeks to be gentle. King David realized that accomplishing some good work was pleasing to God, but he knew something it would be well for us to remember. He understood that the very suffering of his repentance was pleasing to God.