When I found out I was pregnant with my last child, I was elated! Soon after, serious complications began to occur. I had horrendous pain and I was only seven weeks pregnant. I was taken to the emergency room one night by my husband as I couldn’t even stand up. When they received me, they said all indications were that I was going to miscarry this child. I was released and the pain continued. There was no bleeding or anything that indicated the child was in trouble.
The following day, as the pain continued to increase my husband once again took me to the emergency room. Again, I was told that the baby was probably in trouble and would soon pass. An ultrasound was done and my baby’s heartbeat was fine. Beating as strong as mine was. The pain became increasingly worse and once again, I was sent home to wait. At this time, all I could do was lay down and wait in agony. I didn’t know what was taking place and I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t do anything to save my baby if her heart was beating as strong as it was.
The following morning, which was Monday, my Doctor advised me to come in so he could take a look and see what was taking place. My husband drove me to his office and I literally crawled in on my hands and knees and I couldn’t even stand upright. He rushed me in and ran a bunch of tests and told me to go to the emergency room right then and there. This was my third visit to the Hospital Emergency Room, in three days of anguish. Upon entering the ER, I told them, if they didn’t find out what was wrong that I knew I was going to die. I started shaking all over, because the pain was something so intense that I had never had before. I knew I was going to die if they didn’t find out what was taking place.
I was rushed into ultrasound again, to see if the baby was still okay, and I had told them my Doctor had done one and the baby’s heartbeat was fine and strong that morning. Before I could get the words out, the ultrasound technician asked for the radiologists to step in ASAP. He said to me, I think I see something that shouldn’t be there. I want the Doctor to take a look and see. The Doctor came in and was looking at the monitor and the ultrasound technician asked me, “Have you had a HCG test”? My jaw dropped. I knew what he was talking about. I had not had one. There was no need as everything was fine until a few days earlier.
A HGC test determines hormones in ratio to pregnancy. If they ratio of hormones is very high, there are TWO children present. The Doctor said there is something going on with your right fallopian tube. There seems to be a mass but its hard to tell if it is anything serious yet as it could just be scare tissue. They ran the HCG test and it backed up the suspicion of the Ultrasound technician. I was pregnant with twins. But one was in serious trouble. I had a child in my fallopian tube, and one where she should be, in my uterus. I was never on any fertility drugs, nor do twins even run in my family. Its called a heterotopic pregnancy. My baby had an estimated 90‑95% mortality rate. My baby who was where she should be, faced a 35% mortality rate and if we continued in this state, all of us were at 100% mortality rate.
At this moment, I remembered something very profound that I had forgotten as I continued on in life, trying to forget my “Conversion” back in 1998 and carry on in life. Our Lord is the giver of life. This moment was my reawakening from our Lord to return to Him and remember. As only He could give life, reaffirming what I had been going through for many years, truly was Him calling me back home, without a single doubt.
I was rushed into surgery as a mother pregnant with twins, and came out of surgery unsure if I was pregnant at all. I lost one child and one was saved. They removed my right fallopian tube with my child inside. I knew in my heart this child was now with our Lord and that things like this are truly a wakeup call. I struggled with this in the same way as I struggle with abortion. I had thought that the decision to take this life from me was just that. It is not. Please read:
When Pregnancy Goes Awry: Ectopic Pregnancies
FATHER TADEUSZ PACHOLCZYK
I also want to point this out:
INTERNATIONAL THEOLOGICAL COMMISSION
THE HOPE OF SALVATION FOR INFANTS
WHO DIE WITHOUT BEING BAPTISED*
The general discussion on the theme took place during the plenary sessions of the ITC, held in Rome. In October 2005 and October 2006.
I lost my child in March of 2006.
I never picked out a name for the child I lost that day, not one that I stuck with as I couldn’t find a meaningful name for her. For the past 6 years since this had taken place, I think of her often. My little one who did survive is named Chloe and she sighs now and then and says, “I wish I had a twin”. She knows now, that she does. Until today we always called her Chloe’s twin. Today, she finally has a name and it truly is, Angelica. She was my “Messenger of God”.
I read a piece today written by a woman who had been struggling to become pregnant and finally succeeded only to miscarry a few weeks into her pregnancy. I cried while reading it as the pain rushed back into my memory as I could truly understand her pain. Thus this post I have written. In the comments to this woman’s story, someone had posed this:
My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?
“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.
— Mother M. Angelica
My little Angelica, in less the 8 weeks of life, came to me, delivered her message and returned to our Lord. Angelica, pray for us.
3 responses to “Angelica”
I’m so sorry. I will pray for everyone.
Glory goes to God. Never stop praying for the little souls who are lost before birth.
[…] There is a beautiful prayer and reflection from Mother Angelica. I have shared this before on my blog, while sharing the story of my child, one in which our Lord took home, whom I call Angelica. Please see here. […]