Repent Repent Repent


Jesus_Said_Repent

 

I shared my story with two Catholic Priests recently. I don’t like talking about this but I know there is someone who can be helped by this. No. I am not crazy. No matter how much the world refuses to believe that God is our Creator. I believe a Saint of our Lord said it best: “My job is to inform, not to convince.” Saint Bernadette Soubirous. I see this all day in my life. Jesus Christ is God. He is present in the Eucharist. He has called me to repent and return to Him. I shared this story in the past with for other Catholic Priests over the past 5 years. I don’t know why this is, all I know is where it has lead me to. Back home to the Catholic Church. Repent. Return to your first love.

What I have written with the help of the Holy Spirit. This is etched on my memory and our Lord has made it very difficult for me to forget any of the details. I did add a few details to this as I wanted to make it a little clearer for understanding.

Thank you So much Fathers for just listening and reading this. I don’t expect anything but the glory and honor of my entire conversion and all the events of my life, to be given to God as He knows everything. He allows everything because we have free will to choose to do His will and I full accept, no matter what may come to me.

In 1998, I had an experience that changed my entire life. I have to give you some background as I know it’s important. I have confessed every sin and I know I have been forgiven, as I now go to confession at least every 10 days. I am also in formation with the Third Order of Carmel, and pray every second I am conscious. When the event in 1998 occurred, I was a covered in mortal sins. I had broken every commandment. Every one of them including murder through abortion. I had for many years not been practicing our Catholic Faith and had not gone to confession for over 25 plus years. I still believed in God, but was in a state of despair and had been since a VERY young age. I’m not making excuses for my sinful behavior nor trying to justify it. It’s just something that needs to be revealed as this horrifically sinful person no longer exists because our Lord has truly changed my heart. I am still a sinner a repentant one.

I had fallen in love with a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus at about the age of 8 or 9 years old. I was reminded recently by the Holy Spirit, (in the past 5 years) about how at a younger age, I would sit in my parents basement at the earliest age of about 4 or 5 and look through the old cabinet they had of books. My favorite for a long time was a book of nothing but Gregorian Chant from the Liturgy of the Hours. It was very old and all in Latin. I didn’t know what it was or how to read it. I would just sit and stare at the pages and ask God to give me the ability to read it. I used to think of how hard it was to be “big” to have to learn all this stuff. Later on, I found an old handbook from the Legion of Mary. I was about 6 and thought it was something bad, because it was all about Mary and not our Lord. I didn’t understand it and when I asked my mom, she rolled her eyes and told me just leave that alone. I thought it was something really bad against God and thought my family was doing bad things. In my rebellion at the age of 9, I used to go back to it and read it sometimes out loud in spite of what my mom told me. There is so much more to this part, but I have to keep this on track and will go back to this point.
Back to the age of 8 with the picture of the Sacred Heart of our Lord. I would hide in my room and play records for Him and sing to Him as I didn’t have many friends. Things started to happen. I would hear things in my heart and this voice would tell me things that then they would happen in real life. It scared me. I was very young and the voice scared me very much. It would tell me things that my family was going to do and they would happen. At that time, one night, I had a dream that a bunch of clouds came and picked me up. I had no power to do anything but they brought me to the way I would walk on the way to school, about a block away from St. Maria Goretti. It left me terrified as I didn’t know what this was. Today when I pray the Rosary, I am often reminded of this dream while praying the mystery of the Ascension of our Lord. and I had asked my father if it was okay for me to call our Lord my boyfriend and to think of Him in this way. My dad told me it was a sin to do so. (I have LONG ago forgiven my dad for this as I know he truly didn’t understand that our Lord was more than likely calling me to religious life and neither did I) I felt that our Lord hated me at this time, because of what I had done. Especially when things started to happen. It broke my heart but I got rid of the picture and stopped talking to him. I thought I was dammed to hell and stated to think the devil then must be my friend since God hated me for what I had done. I spent some of my early life (pre teen and teen years) casting spells, telling the devil I would sell my soul for _____________ (fill in the blank) and turning to evil thinking it was “cool”. It was anything but. I was miserable. I was angry all the time. I lived for most of my life thinking something was seriously wrong with me. I was depressed and a VERY sick soul. I grew out of this “evil” things stage and continued on into what I thought was life. I had NO self esteem. I hated my life. I thought everyone on earth was better than me because I believed I was “so hated by God.” I was very promiscuous thinking having sex with anyone was love and that they would love me which is sad because at the age of 11, I believed without a doubt that when a man and woman had relations, it meant they were married for life. I asked one of my older sisters about it and she laughed at me. Little to say, I grew up with no true teaching of the Catholic Faith except for having to go to church every Sunday. Confession? After graduating from Catholic grade school, (1981) when I had to go, I never went again until 2001. My mom did take my little brother and me to see Pope John Paul II in Chicago, Grant Park in 1979 and to be honest, it was amazing! I was blessed by him from his Pope Mobile, as he was driving past and it left me in a state of peace I can never describe in words. As soon as I was brought back into contact with my brother & mom that peace quickly left but I had never forgot that day. I also have to mention that my mom’s uncle was a Catholic Priest in Slovakia, who survived the Nazis and then the Communist Occupation. He spent a few days in prison for just being a Catholic Priest but the Communists released him and he continued to celebrate Holy Mass daily, underground. I was awe struck by him for most of my life. He was a role model for me who I loved dearly and I had only met him 3 times and we never spoke the same language. I just heard stories about him and he was kept tight in my heart and still is today. He passed away in 1981. I was never able to express my love for our Lord in my home growing up. I was to afraid because my brothers & sisters made fun of me all the time. So I just stopped talking and became angry and full of hate back at them. When I was about 4 years old, my Great Uncle, the Catholic Priest came in to celebrate my Grandparents Wedding Anniversary. I met him for the first time and ran to him as he was standing next to my Grandfather and told him I wanted to be a princess. I wanted him to take me home to Slovakia to I could learn how to be a princess and live with the Priests and Nuns because they all live in Castles. My grandfather told him what I had said and my Great Uncle told my Parents to please keep an eye on me that there was something very big here. I fell through the cracks anyway. I had such a deep love for God then. I would talk to Him all the time.
Getting the day in May of 98. After living a very worldly life, I had been going through some very rough times. I had lost my dad to Cancer in 96 and my mother had been diagnosed with the same cancer a year before my father’s death and was facing death herself. I had been living with a man who left his wife to be with me, who of course, was abusing me in the same way he had abused her. I forgive him and EVEYONE I have to mention here as it’s not about anything I hold against anyone as I don’t hold anything against anyone, ever since this day in 1998. I forgive everyone including myself. That is not why I am speaking of this and I am in no way seeing ANY amount of sympathy. It’s all related to my conversion back to the Catholic Church and to Our Lord.

In 1998, two years after I lost my dad to cancer, a series of events took place in which I had great remorse for the way I had been living. I had written a letter to the wife of the man I had been living with, apologizing to her for my part in the destruction of their marriage and it was ripping y heart out about thinking about how much I hurt her. The man I was with did NOT like that I had done this. The night my father died, September 23, 1996, I had said to him, although he was unconscious, to put in the good word for me to God that I was going to need some help. As soon as my dad passed, INSTANTLY I said our loud, I need to change my life. And it started the change.

I can’t tell you if what happened to me was a dream, or actually took place in May of 1998. All the events of this day are etched on my soul and I am reminded VIVIDLE every second of this conversation that took place this day. I don’t know “WHO” this was all I know is where it lead me to since this took place and that is back to the Church and to our Lord in such a way I can never live without Him and Her again!

I was at work and my boss called me into his office. He told me he needed to talk to me about something very serious and that someone had been saying very bad things about me. I thought he was going to fire me. I thought I did something wrong and I couldn’t imagine what It would have been. I sat down and he said before he started he wanted to know if I wanted someone in with me to hear about what he had to say. I said yes. Call in David. David worked for my boss Al in a another smaller landscaping company he had. I thought Dave was handsome but we were just co-workers. I just couldn’t think of anyone else to say. He called him in and David didn’t say a word. My boss began to tell me that someone was saying very nasty things about me and saying that I had been doing some very nasty things. I asked him who this was and he said it doesn’t matter I just want to know if this is true what I am hearing about you. I said I want to see who is saying such things and he and David opened his office door and pointed to someone sitting in a chair in his waiting room. I looked at the man as he raised his head to me. My boss asked me if I knew him. I was COMPLETELY chilled in fear. I began to shake in utter terror and my body shook in fear. A gripping fear of total horror and every bone in my body, every part of me rattled. I ran and grabbed David and hid behind him. I couldn’t escape what I had seen. David commanded me at that second, “Don’t be afraid”. The second my ears heard this the terror left me and I was no longer afraid. I stood there grabbing on to him and I wouldn’t let go. I immediately stood up straight and at attention. My boss repeated to me, do you know him? I said NO! I have never seen him before in my life. My boss Al then told David, throw him out of here and get him out of my sight. David left and my boss began to tell me that “Someone” had a bet and I was part of it. He told me he wanted to get in on it and with that I asked if David should be here? He said okay and called him back in. With that, Al, my boss said he would be right back and left me alone with David. David began to ask me questions. The questions he asked me were very personal and he knew the answers before I would give them. All the answers came from my heart. He asked me about my sins. He knew them. All of them since I was old enough to remember. He didn’t care about them. He only cared about the answer I was giving. I knew in my heart, this was not my boss, nor David my co-worker I was with. I didn’t know who they were but I just listened to my heart when answering them. There was this DEEP love I felt for David at this time as I was telling him everything in my soul that he had already knew. I broke down for a moment in the middle of the conversation and resumed again with him. He also said he knew these guys that had a bet. He wanted to be in on this bet also and wanted me to help settle it. I kept asking about this bet but he wouldn’t tell me. He said the winner would be richer than anyone could ever imagine. He wanted to tip the scales and make it easy and wanted me to help him and that he knew this guy who was giving him all the answers. I don’t know how or why, but I brought God into the conversation. I said that would be cheating what he was asking me and that God wouldn’t like that especially if so much money was involved and we had the answers before anyone else did. He smiled and asked me if I liked my life. I said no. I hated it. I was so unhappy. He asked me what would make me happy. I said I just want to go to heaven. I just want to go to heaven. He then asked me what my idea of heaven was. I said I don’t know. He said again, what do you think it would be like in heaven and why do you think it would make you happy. I said I don’t know. God knows. I want what God wants for me. He knows better than I do. We talked more about my idea of heaven which was far from being anything heaven would be today, knowing my faith now. David began to tell me things. He said he had a good friend who wanted his wife back. He said someone got in the way of their relationship and she left him because of a misunderstanding. I said I would do everything to help him if I could. As I had told him about how I had been a part of an adulterous relationship and I had sent a letter of apology to the woman. He told me there was two roads to take to get there. A high road with is very hard and a low road with is easier but not much more easier as it was still very difficult to navigate both of them. I said I would take the high road. He continued asking me questions about everything from my family, their children, the country, the world, priests, religious persons, Saints and so much more. He told me things about what was going to take place. He asked me how I felt about gays, gay marriage, and everything our society is now going through. I answered his question without any idea of what I was saying as I thought this was just a random conversation and I began to say things without even thinking. He said well that does it. You can’t help me. I said but wait! I didn’t answer with my heart. We went over everything again and I answered everything with sincerity. It was like we were talking for HOURS. When He told me about the two roads, the high road was me becoming a religious. The low road was me getting married and having children and I only see that now as I type this. He then told me someone loved me very much. I told him that love was very important because I didn’t know what it was or how to love. He said he knew someone who loved me very much. I asked him who it was. He said someone from my past. I couldn’t imagine who it was. He said it was an old boyfriend I had. He said he wanted me back. I had no clue who he could be talking about. By this time we had talked about so much nothing made any sense and I was in such a state of exhaustion. I asked him if he was the guy and he said NO. But I hope my guy wins. I asked him who his guy was and he said your friend’s son. I said my friend? He said yes. I was your friend David, his son. I said who is his son? What is his name? He looked at me and said one day I would know what he was saying. I understand this now as “Son of David”. He asked me who was in heaven and I said God. He said no, who is in heaven? I said Jesus? He started asking me about the picture I had of this guy when I was young and I sand I had a lot of pictures and I had no clue what he was talking about. He looked at me and said, you truly don’t remember! I said no. I don’t. His mouth opened wide for a bit and he said to me, someone is going to come to you and remind you. He then said to me he will know you as Mary. I became frightened and yelled at him because I thought he was referring to our Holy Mother and wanted me to do something against her. I said you can’t DO that! We already have a Mary in Heaven. No one can be her. No one! I was so angry. I said to him Okay! If all these things you are telling me DON’T happen then what? You still want to get together? He didn’t like that. He said to me this better work or we will all be tossed into the abyss. I asked him then the good one? Or the Bad one. He didn’t remember telling me about the “Good Abyss” . I only know the Good Abyss now as the one St. Faustina spoke about in Divine Mercy. Who I never knew about truly until 2007 or so.

There was much more said between the two of us and even when Al , my boss who had been absent returned. I’m ended this here for now and going to tell you that EVERYTHING David and AL has told me from that day has taken place, for the most part. He knew who I was going to get married to. The names of my children. How people were going to die and when. World events. Presidents elected. Popes elected. The name of EVERY church and the priests I would encounter. He actually called some of them friends of his. We went over the ENTIRE Legion of Mary Handbook together, ADDING: (I didn’t remember this until AFTER I had joined the Legion of Mary in 2011 and I was reminded of the prayers we talked about and how I used to pray in my parents basement) and I had no clue what it was when he was telling me the prayers. He just told me one day I would be reminded. We went through every mystery of the rosary and I couldn’t understand why the Annunciation was called the Annunciation and not the Visitation. He told me about a prayer that would remind me of this day every time I prayed it and it was the Angelus. EVERY time I pray it, I understand EXACTLY what it means and what Mama Mary must have gone through as every second of my life is a constant reminder of this day in may of 1998. ADDED: (As I am sure Mama Mary knew the exact same things that were revealed to her after the fact and held them in her heart) When the conversation was over, Al told me that if I came back to him to ask him about the conversation he was going to deny it ever took place. ADDED: ( I didn’t know if this was a dream or had actually taken place. I did confront my boss at a later day and he had no clue what I was talking about. He didn’t remember any meeting like this) When David was present, Al was gone. When David spoke with me, Al was gone. They were only together for that one instance to ask me if I knew who that horrible soul was. When I had finished with David, and I was back in Al’s office, I sat in a chair and was so tired. He said awe, look at you. Your starving. Your exhausted. You need help. I was so tired. It was as if I had been running and running. I could barely speak anymore. He began to tell me he cared for me. He said to me, You better do all these things you have been asked to do and I said to him why do you care? He said I’m your father I care about you. I became enraged! I jumped out of the chair and said to him, in his face, you are NOT my father. I asked him then are you Ernest my father? Because that is my dad and you know he died and it’s been very hard on me. He said no. I said with just as much anger, are you God? He said no. I said then you’re not my father! He then said to me, I care about you like a father. There is so much more but I’m not sure if it will matter. The outcome is the same.

I don’t know what will happen. I can’t predict the future. All I know is everything that was told to me, is taking place every second and I am reminded every second that our Lord is with us. Every conversation I have has been told to me that it would take place. Everything I write, I was told to and told that I would. The house I live in. The family I have now. All had been told would be. It keeps me in a state of repentance and how I know this is not hell, is that there is great joy and I receive consolations from Abba Father that no one can take away. I have grown to not look for them, but rather understand everything at this point is a consolation from Him and all I want is Him, although His conciliations are wonderful, I want Him. When I pray there is great joy. He allows me to see visions. I seen the face of our Lord in the Eucharist and then myself when I was about 4 years old. . When I am at Mass, when I am in prayer and seeing things manifest that bring me closer to our Lord. Not my interpretation of Him, but Him. In His word. When I was little I fell in love with His picture. With who I wanted Him to be. Today, I have fallen in love with Him through His Word. In the Eucharist and in Who He Is. In His sacraments. All of this taking place after the fact 99.9% of the time of the events. In His Holy Church. In His Priests. In every soul on earth, I can see Him even when He is being denied by the very souls I can see His actions in.

Two weeks after this conversation in June of 1998, everything that they had said to me, started to happen. I thought I was losing my mind in the beginning as when this all started to take place, I tried to tell people who were NOT religious but very worldly and my entire family believed I was crazy. I told them things in a way that at the time I didn’t have the gift of understanding yet. I casted my pearls’ before swine. And the world made sure I was labeled as crazy. With the grace of God, I have overcome it all. I have a love so deep for every soul on earth. Friends, family, enemies, strangers. Makes no difference. I love them. I forgive them for they know not what they do, as I too had no idea of what I was doing. How much pain I had inflicted on our Lord. I have a new outlook and it truly is our Lord.
All glory and honor to God.
PAX
Peg Demetris

All I know now is that I love our Lord above all else. I love my neighbor as myself. I believe, I pray, I hope and I don’t try to worry about the events that I see as I can not change anything. I simply accept our Lord Jesus Christ as my savior and hope to spend eternity with Him. I pray this helps the most frightened souls pull closer to our Lord and His mercy.

QUESTIONS that were asked of me:

PRIEST #1 But Peg, who was the old man?

The old man? If your asking me Father who the old Boyfriend was, I know without a doubt, it truly is the Sacred Heart of our Lord. Although I had fallen in love with His picture, I longed to know about our Lord. At that time in my life, I knew “of Him” being Jesus Christ, but I didn’t know Him being our Lord. Today I do.

EDIT TO ADD: The “Old Man” is Zachariah! This is my “slip” I LOVE our LORD! St. John the Baptist, pray for us!

Priest #2 And who was David?

Father – I still don’t know who “David” was. I still don’t know who “Al” was. It was as if they both were speaking to me in parables. EVERYTHING was symbolic. Everything had a meaning beyond my understanding, but I knew how to respond. I can only assume our Lord was speaking through me to them, when I finally started to speak through my heart. of what they were saying and being in the state I was in, I had no clue what it was all about. I was still living a worldly life and most of what they both had said to me, I see happening around me all the time. Its as if the both of them are at my side, walking me all the way home. At times I sometimes feel like I may have them in my grasp and I am dragging them back home. Al had said something to me at that time about how I was going to be given a watch. I was going to be given blocks and they were his. I was going to be given a drink of water. This “guy” was going to build a house for me. I said I didn’t want anything but to go to heaven. He looked at me deeply and said you better keep these things or at least the watch. The water I know is a reference to The Woman at the Well. The watch? “Keep Watch”. The blocks? Last week at my Formation Meeting with the Third Order of Carmel, I was given paper work on the Structure of the Carmelite Rule. My formation director made copies of everything and placed what she needed to hand out where everyone would be seated. It was random where we sat. She spoke about the block being the Foundation, the four walls, and that was all we should have at that point. As I looked at my paperwork, I had the Foundation Blocks, The four walls and the Roof. I mentioned it to her and she had no idea how I could have gotten it all as she didn’t think she had that copy. She asked me to please share all that I had with them later. Carmelite Spirituality is based on the Rule of St. Albert. I never knew what any of this was back then in 98. When I first started to read the Rule of St. Albert, I was in awe. I had been living this rule for many years already and I didn’t even know what I was doing. The House? Do I even need to go there? 2 Corinthians 5:1 Do I dare say it was him? (EDIT TO ADD: I truly do not know who EITHER of them were 100%.)

Something else he (Al) said was I was he (this Guy) was going to send me to school and I was going to be tested. A bunch of people were going to pray for me that I would pass. I don’t want to assume here but I truly hope instead. This was a reference to St. Peter and the conversation with our Lord about Satan wanting to sift him as wheat. But our Lord prayed for him. One of the last things he said to me was I needed to return to my father. He already knew I was coming and when I get there he was going to put a ring on my finger. “The Prodigal Son”.

I HOPE: I know who “David” is and was! My guardian Angel! “Beware lest ye scandalize any of these little ones, for their angels in heaven see the face of My Father.” Glory to God! (EDIT TO AD: but I do not know)

I may be wrong about both of them and who they were. I don’t know. All I know is where this has lead me to and the daily suffering that I have united to our Lords. One day, I hope to know but I understand it wont matter one bit if I am able to spend eternity with our Lord. This is how my conversion of heat truly began and is ongoing. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us all.

I love you.

St. Michael, St. Raphael, and St. Gabriel: PRAY FOR US, Protect us, heal us, In the most HOLY NAME of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen

Psalms, chapter 91

1 You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High,*

who abide in the shade of the Almighty,*

2 Say to the LORD, “My refuge and fortress,

my God in whom I trust.”a

3 He will rescue you from the fowler’s snare,

from the destroying plague,

4 He will shelter you with his pinions,

and under his wings you may take refuge;b

his faithfulness is a protecting shield.

5 You shall not fear the terror of the night

nor the arrow that flies by day,c

6 Nor the pestilence that roams in darkness,

nor the plague that ravages at noon.d

7 Though a thousand fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

near you it shall not come.

8 You need simply watch;

the punishment of the wicked you will see.e

9 Because you have the LORD for your refuge

and have made the Most High your stronghold,

10 No evil shall befall you,

no affliction come near your tent.f

11* For he commands his angels with regard to you,g

to guard you wherever you go.h

12 With their hands they shall support you,

lest you strike your foot against a stone.i

13 You can tread upon the asp and the viper,

trample the lion and the dragon.j

II

14 Because he clings to me I will deliver him;

because he knows my name I will set him on high.k

15 He will call upon me and I will answer;l

I will be with him in distress;m

I will deliver him and give him honor.

16 With length of days I will satisfy him,

and fill him with my saving power.n

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3 responses to “Repent Repent Repent

  1. Pingback: Yes I Believe Lord | Peg Pondering Again

  2. Pingback: Peter Is Here | Peg Pondering Again

  3. Pingback: Garabandal Apparitions | Peg Pondering Again

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