Monthly Archives: September 2013

Best Thing That Ever Happened


When I was a little girl, I spent many hours thinking about what my life would be like. As most do. I wondered what I would be when I grew up and would spend hours wondering who would fall in love with me. Who would want to. I was chunky & ugly and mean. (My description) I didn’t much like myself nor did many others seem to like me. I went to a Junior High dance once with a friend who attended a public school with high hopes of someone dancing with me, leaving that night, not even dancing.

I still wondered who would ever love me? I wondered if I would go up to be popular, which I did not. I wondered if I would grow up to be famous, which of course, I did not. What was I going to be? I had high hopes and a lot of dreams & ambition, that just seemed to be placed where I didn’t belong. Much of this taking place after I could not have this “True Love” (read here)

I spent most of my hours growing up, listening to love songs, hoping one day, to sing them to the one who loved me and having them sung to me. One particularly stuck out and I heard it tonight after this wonderful day in prayer.

As I was folding the laundry from todays chores, I had a music channel on and this song came on. I thought, wow, I liked this song a lot when I was little. It brought back memories. And then lyrics hit me and the tears of joy ran down my cheeks. And it happened. I realized Who loved me. Who still loves me. Who I had wondered so much about all these years. Especially listening to THIS song from my youth that I used to wonder about all the time. Here I am, writing “the story”, my on-line diary, for the first time, EVER writing something down and its all about Him. I absolutely love Him. Our Lord is, the best thing that ever happened to me. Finally I can say, Its You! It’s really YOU Lord! With Your grace, O Lord, with Your mercy, I will never leave you again! I love you!

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

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Lion Of Judah

Lion of Judah

“And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.” Book of Revelation 5:5

I have, for the past weeks been dealing with breaking appliances. My dishwasher for one last week and then on Labor Day, my washing machine. Being that we don’t have that much money at this time to run out and buy new ones to replace them right away, I have been doing much of my daily chores by hand, in between taking care of the children, working my new job and keeping and staying in prayer. Its been a complete blessing in which I am very grateful to our Lord.

Today is my day off work and I spent the morning at the laundromat as rather than washing clothes by hand. As is typical for a trip to the laundry, most of the machines were broken and unless you got freshly printed paper currency, it was next to impossible to get change for the machines. As was the case.

I had tried to use a five dollar bill a few times in the change machine without any success. A man approached me and said “Let me use my 10 dollars and then I will give you the change you need.” It worked, praise God, and I was able to start my daily chores.

Something rang in my heart about how familiar this situation was. This man was there with his wife and I couldn’t help but smile at the both of them. I then realized what was printed on the shirt he was wearing. “Lion of Judah”. I was struck instantly in awe. There was nothing to wonder about. I just knew.

I remembered how our Lord had used His body in exchange for mine to overcome this world. I remembered all He had done for me to convert my heart, so tenderly and with so much tenacity. Just to keep me on His path. Our Lord has changed me so drastically in so many ways. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

I couldn’t help but see our Lord in all these actions along with Mama Mary, silently carrying on in her work. You see, this mans wife didn’t say a word to me as she continued about her chores. I sat down as we all waited for the wash to be clean and thought about how our Lord had cleansed me with His most precious blood. All He had done for me. All He had allowed me to see on this journey back to Him.

I began to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet. At that moment, another woman walked in to use the “change” machine and was also having difficulty’s. She began ranting about how nothing ever worked and started making a scene. I prayed a chaplet for her for peace and she walked over to where we were sitting to use another change machine. One in which was visibly empty. The light was blinking and I told her it wasn’t working. She didn’t like that very much. As she was walking away, I noticed her t-shirt and the words on it. My jaw dropped. It was a “SEIU” t-shirt. Nothing worked for her. She was unable to get the “change” she needed. She left the laundromat and went to a neighboring business to get change. This left me wondering… I don’t believe this is the place to discuss what was going through my mind. I prayed again for her, and all of us.

After tossing all the clean clothing into the dryers, I left for a few moments to head back home. I had been pondering attending Holy Mass but could not make it to the early mass this morning before this. As I got in my truck, the radio came on and a song called “get here” played and I knew I had to get home, change my clothes and get to the 12:05 Holy Mass. I just knew our Lord wanted me to be with Him. I ran back home, did what I needed to do and realized I needed to grab extra change for parking. I got back to the laundry, with a close parking spot and as I was getting out of my car, the man who offered me change, was coming out. He came to me and asked me if I had any change left as all he needed was one dollar. I reached into my pocket and handed him his change for a dollar, thinking how I needed to give our Lord 100% of my life and the glory and honor but also the gratitude in all I do, see and experience in this life and the next as it is not about me, but only Him.

After tossing all the clean clothing into baskets, looking up, I noticed a picture hanging up of St. Clare of Assisi. I got on the road to Holy Mass. It was spectacular. I don’t remember being this focused on Him in all other times of celebrating with Him. I continued in prayer on the way home and as I got out of my truck, I heard something I hadn’t heard in many years. It was a pet name my dad used to call me when I was in ballet classes at the age of five. In my heart as I got out of my truck, I heard “Hiya twinkle toes”. Out loud, I said “twinkle toes?” and laughed so hard remembering my dad calling me that name. Something I hadn’t heard since ballet class all those years ago. A smile came to my face, much bigger then the one I had all morning and I thanked our Lord.

Its been a glorious day! All praise and all thanksgiving be Yours Most High, Jesus Christ. I love you.

I didn’t know St. Clare of Assisi’s feast day was August 12th as well as August 11th until just now. August 12th was also my dad’s birthday. He entered into eternal life on September 23 1996. It was his death, that lead to the beginning of my conversion back home to our Lord.


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Joy, Pure Joy


Every time I see this picture, I fall deeper in love with our Lord.

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Vocation Of Motherhood


Ever since my conversion began back in 1998, I have been struggling with the idea that I could somehow be a mom and faithful to our Lord as I have been called. Last night as I was washing dishes I realized just how seriously under attack I had been over the years by the evil one, and still am.

I learned last night one of the most evil things to ponder is, “If I would have” or “I should have never” in regards to setting my life completely on religious life, rather than on the family I have been blessed with, all leading to ponder regrets. I have been plagued by this thought since the beginning, only now realizing this is not the voice of our Lord. This is the voice of the Culture of Death saying don’t have children, pursue YOUR selfish wants. Take care of YOU first.

It’s no different then the woman who puts off marriage and children to advance her career to become something other than what she was created to be. Constantly chasing after that carrot on the stick that she could never get to take a bite of because as you move forward, the stick carrying that carrot, moves at the same pace. Leading us to haul a bigger cart of misery and regrets, “Oh if I had married that man who loved me I would have a family by now”.

Our Lord never moves the goal posts. He moves the players to enable them to score the touchdown. The evil one constantly moves the goal posts making it impossible to score, no matter how much effort you put into the play. You could be wide open, receive the ball and just about to cross the goal and with every step, the goal becomes further and further out of reach. In the end, you never score. No matter how many times you try.

The gift of my family and the vocation of Marriage and Motherhood, is what needs to be placed first and when we place them above what we are searching for, and place ourselves last, we quickly understand our Lord is present in our own homes, waiting for that hug, to be tucked into bed, to be told to brush teeth and to pray with. Every action that has been done to pull closer to our Lord outside of the home, is brought into the home to be shared so in turn they can share it with their children.

In all religious communities, the soul seeks to live in communion with others, seeking the same goal, to score one for our Lord. Its teamwork on the spiritual level and the hardest part of this Vocation of Marriage and Motherhood, outside of the Religious Life, is knowing without a doubt we are all on the same team, and our goal is to ensure, not that I score the touchdown, but that the one of us does, so we all give the glory to God. Not to live and play on the team of the Culture of Death, where life is frowned upon, but rather the Culture of Life, to allow all God’s creation to continue.

Thank you Mama Mary, Queen of Heaven, on this day of your Nativity for this day to understand that we all have a bigger role to play in God’s plans and with humility and casting away self, to raise the next generation, allowing us to see life through His eyes and understand the smaller we become, the bigger the plans He has for us. I ask you to cover all mothers with your mantle, that they may be guided by your perfection in all motherly ways. Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us. Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us all.

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The Clock


John 2

1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

I woke up this morning less than inspired to do anything. I had a bad two nights of pondering and was almost at the point of not wanting to carry on anymore. I won’t get into details, as I continued on anyway. I had thoughts of not attending my meeting this morning with the Third Order of Carmel and literally had to push myself to be enthused to go, no doubt seeing now the attack I am under.

In prayer with my Carmelite Brothers and Sisters, we focused on this Gospel in our daily meditation.

Upon reading “On the third day”, a smile broke on my face which could not be contained internally. I was brought to Easter Sunday. Our Lords public mission began at the words of Mary asking Him to take care of a situation involving friends. I seen for the first time His two natures. One being He’s human nature, saying to His mother, “How does this concern me” and then seeing Him in His agony “Father thy will, not mine”. After telling our Holy Mother this, He proceeds to do as she asked of Him. As in the garden, He proceeded to do as Abba Father had asked of Him.

I then seen His divine nature take over, in regards to telling Mama Mary, “My Hour has not yet come”, but doing as He knew, Abba Father had requested of Him. In the garden, He wakes the sleeping Apostles, “Could you not stay awake with me one hour”. I can’t help but see that one hour as all time, to spend completely with our Lord, never leaving His side. Staying awake in the faith as so we are not tested and wander from Him in search of things that do not serve any purpose in His hour, for Him.

I’m focused today on that hour as “A day with the Lord is as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day.” (2 Peter 3:9). Our Lords hour began at the moment our Holy Mother asked Him to perform this single act. Man created time and God is outside of time and space. Therefore it is still our Lords hour as all time belongs to Him. That very moment at the wedding, the “Clock” began to tick in the hearts of all men, and the “Hands” can never be moved from the position they are in, stretched out on the cross, of our Lord.

Revelation 1:8
I am Alpha and Omega the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord,
which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

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Conversion On This Day Of Prayer

I attended Holy Mass this morning with my Carmelite brothers and sisters and heard a very profound story that needed to be shared on this day of prayer and fasting, during the homily.

Father is the Chaplin at a local hospital and a couple of days ago, received a call from a mother seeking a priest. He entered the room of a distraught mother who’s little child, a little girl, was very close to death. You see, this woman is Muslim and her husband is a Non-Practicing Catholic. After a long conversation between the Priest and the Mother, on this day, as we speak, the child close to death, is now being baptized Roman Catholic by this wonderful Priest.

I heard this story and it made me cry for joy. As it is taking place on a day we all seek to bring peace, this mother has through the act of God, brought her daughter to true peace.

Please include this little girl in your prayers today and her entire family.

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Day Of Prayer And Fasting

The USCCB has offered the following prayer:

Almighty eternal God, source of all compassion,
the promise of your mercy and saving help fills our hearts with hope.
Hear the cries of the people of Syria;
bring healing to those suffering from the violence,
and comfort to those mourning the dead.
Empower and encourage Syria’s neighbors
in their care and welcome for refugees.
Convert the hearts of those who have taken up arms,
and strengthen the resolve of those committed to peace.

O God of hope and Father of mercy,
your Holy Spirit inspires us to look beyond ourselves and our own needs.
Inspire leaders to choose peace over violence
and to seek reconciliation with enemies.
Inspire the Church around the world with compassion for the people of Syria,and fill us with hope for a future of peace built on justice for all.
We ask this through Jesus Christ, Prince of Peace and Light of the World,who lives and reigns for ever and ever.

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