Last night, while praying Divine Office, as I arrived at Psalm 91, I remembered what it was like to be a small child. To be secure. To be protected. To be safe. To be loved. To not have a care in the world. For a brief moment I snuggled under that Wing of Abba Father. I didn’t want to leave the amazing comfort I found there. All I desire is that.
As brief as that consolation was last night, what came next was unstoppable crying. As I was pulled from the shelter of Abba Father, a memory replaced the comfort. I was a little child in my pajamas with my slippers on. It was the heart of winter and bitter cold outside. I had just gotten ready for bed and walked into the kitchen. Something called me to the side door in the kitchen and I remember going outside to do something. I don’t remember why I left the house. But I did, and did what I needed to do, quickly, as I walked back to the side door, my dad closed the door and locked it. I was very little at the time and my slippers were sliding on the ice. I knocked as hard as I could and he wouldn’t come to let me back in. He couldn’t hear me. I started crying very hard because it was very cold and no one knew I was outside. As I walked through the snow, around the house to get to the front door, I fell and was now wet and freezing as I slipped on the ice on the sidewalk to get to the front door. I pounded as hard as I could and my dad was still not coming. I reached up with all my might, climbing up on the railing on the porch and rang the bell.
The door opened and there stood my dad in SHOCK, seeing who it was as I shivered at the door. He opened the door fast and let me in. Nothing mattered at that moment. NOTHING! I was back in warmth. My dad was never a “hugging” person or very affectionate. But he was at that moment. He knew how cold it was out there. He could tell how long I was pounding. He wrapped me in his blanket and he warmed me up on his couch.
That security of a parent can never be matched or replaced. When Abba Father allowed me last night to see it again, for as brief as it was, it truly has become all I ever want. Just to spend eternity wrapped in His warmth. With Him, holding me tight.
That time I had spent on the “outside”, was extremely dangerous. As it was with my faith! It became apparent to me how important it is to TELL Abba Father everything before I just go “thinking” I can handle anything alone. Such is my journey back home from “exile”. And yes, its cold “outside”.
What sparked this reflection:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
and abides in the shade of the Almighty
says to the Lord: “My refuge,
my stronghold, my God in whom I trust!”
It is he who will free you from the snare
of the fowler who seeks to destroy you;
he will conceal you with his pinions
and under his wings you will find refuge.
You will not fear the terror of the night
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the plague that prowls in the darkness
nor the scourge that lays waste at noon.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand fall at your right,
you, it will never approach;
his faithfulness is buckler and shield.
Your eyes have only to look
to see how the wicked are repaid,
you who have said: “Lord, my refuge!”
and have made the Most High your dwelling.
Upon you no evil shall fall,
no plague approach where you dwell.
For you has he commanded his angels,
to keep you in all your ways.
They shall bear you upon their hands
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
On the lion and the viper you will tread
and trample the young lion and the dragon.
Since he clings to me in love, I will free him;
protect him for he knows my name.
When he calls I shall answer: “I am with you,”
I will save him in distress and give him glory.
With length of life I will content him;
I shall let him see my saving power.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit:
as it was in the beginning, is now,
and will be for ever. Amen.
“Night holds no terrors for me sleeping under God’s wings.”