I find it beautiful that when our Lord makes known His presence, its after a time of reflecting that we are able to put it all together and say without a doubt, after He has already been in the moment we are experiencing, I know that was you Lord. He makes it very clear by doing this, that we are not to cling to the moment, nor the people in it with us, but rather too Him and understand that He truly is always with us, sometimes hidden, when we forget He is in the Tabernacle and in His time, we come to see Him in many different ways in our lives.
Imagine being the soldiers at the tomb during His glorious resurrection. Imagine the anxiety of the soldiers who at one point were simply doing their job and the very next were faced with something so profound, the only thing they could do besides face it, was to run in fear. Imagine the fear that would cause a hardened trained solder to abandon his post. Imagine knowing that you are a soldier appointed to guard a post and leaving that post meant absolute death for not following the orders of your superiors.
Through my entire awareness of my conversion of heart, I have been presented with so many forms of anxiety and it was only when I learned how to depend on our Lord for everything that that the anxiety’s I was facing became nothing more than temptations to run away from the cross our Lord was asking me to carry with Him. Many times through this, when the pressure was at its greatest and I just couldn’t take any more of the pain I was seeing in others, that they never even noticed in themselves, and in the pain it was causing me to see it, I would be tempted to toss it all aside and run away. Anywhere away from it all. When we do that, we find out very quickly that no matter where we run to, its already there too. The reason its already there is because its our Lord calling you to help Him. Calling you to cling to Him. Calling you to pick up that cross of daily life and walk through all the destruction and misery that is attacking you, to walk through with Him, the valley of the shadow of death and into Life. Life in Him and with Him.
There is nothing more peaceful that a soul can do than to call out to our Lord while in the midst of the turmoil with your entire heart, calling to Him: “Jesus I trust in You”. He always answers as He is already there. “Be not afraid”. To the true believer, all the heavy fog of anxiety (fight or flight) and despair (run away) blows away and is replaced by His calm (fight for Him). If you are one with Him, handing Him all of it and not clinging to what you can’t let go of, you are able to see Him as the Storm that is raging all around and He pulls you into His Eye where there is silence, peace and joy. Like a hurricane, in the eye of the storm there is always calm. Its what is on the outside of the eye that is being blown about and scattered. Its not to say we don’t enter into the turbulence that surrounds, but we know we are anchored in Him and we have Him as our Life line back to the calm, in order to help those overcome by their own fears of destruction and anxiety’s of daily life.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings – Psalm 17:8
How do we stay in the Eye of God? Love. We don’t run away. We don’t leave our post. We face all things with faith in Him. We walk through our lives as He on the via dolorosa with Him until we come to the end, in which He says “It is finished”.
Up until yesterday my husband and I had been experiencing a rough patch in our relationship. I had been struggling a lot lately with not being able to see our Lord in those within my own home and particularly in my husband. Much like the woman who went to the tomb, I know our Lord is here someplace, I just couldn’t find Him. As I wrote yesterday, I spoke about how my morning offering was very different. Something beautifully different. Before my husband left for work, he hugged me and smiled. For the first time in many years, it was genuine. It was a genuine hug in love and not just because that was what a husband did. Its been very difficult but our Lord has given my husband so much grace and I can see Him working through him. I can see our Lord working in him, trying to wake him up, but I had not seen my husband turn to Him and say yes Lord. That smile on his face was one I had not seen for some time and when he left, all I wanted to do was to see that smile when he came back. We must always remember that even though we can’t see, through faith, we trust Him, no matter how painful it may be.
This morning as I write this, after the events of yesterday, after of the events I have faced to date, after it has all unfolded and the very moment is now memory, the entire Resurrection of our Lord at that moment outside of His tomb, is in my heart in that hug and smile, and now I can see and shout with all certainty in JOY, “‘Rabbuni!’” I know with my entire heart, that was you. I picked up this cross, and all of them in this life that I give completely to You, with You and carry them all in love with You. Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in You.
Praise, glory and honor to You O Lord, for all time and eternity. Amen