Category Archives: Reflections

Rest Now..


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He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” 

For many years, its been so beautiful to do everything He has told me. Today, He tells me, rest now, or I will make you rest.

So I rest.

Last May, I had been experiencing some pain in my back, and I had thought for sure I had ruptured a disk. I have lost the reflexes in my lower right leg, and can not feel three of the toes on my left foot. My entire left side has been experiencing numbness and loss of control over my hands. I have tremors, and bouts of electrical shocks that stop me in my tracks. My walking has changed as I limp or just drag my feet as I am now hunched over and various other wonderful things. Its difficult to brush my hair. Everything just feels so heavy and I don’t feel as if I have the strength to carry my own body on some days.

The pain that I have is a strange one. There is no position to rest in to take it away. If I stand, its there. If I sit, its there. If I lay down, its there. Rest how Lord?  Ah! Rest in Him. Know, that the last 20 years journey home, has come to this. He is with me in this pain on His cross. (Psalm 139)

I had gone to see my Doctor in June, who promptly ordered an MRI & wanted to send me for physical therapy. He prescribed a steroid, and as I took the first dose, my hands opened in a way I had not seen them move for a few years. Last week, I was finally approved for the MRI and on Monday was given the results. My doctor was very somber, and mentioned to me that there was nothing he could do for me anymore. What I thought was a simple herniated disc, was actually a spine of many herniated discs, along with protruding discs in the Cervical Spine, some compromising my spinal cord, Bilateral Foraminal Stenosis, spurring, bilateral hypertrophic facet disease, levoscoliosis and multilevel degenerative spondylosis. In other words, my body is a hot mess.

How to rest in Him? Complete and total trust in Him. Allow all pain and suffering to be turned over to Him, joined in His suffering. Total abandonment to the will of God.

I have an appointment with a Nerologcal Surgeon on the Feast of the Little Flower, to see if surgery may be an option. Its a very risky procedure as the C2 through C7 seem to be the most problematic. After this, then they can address the herniated discs in my lower back, which is also compromising my spinal cord.

I’m not worried. I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I’m at peace. His peace!

My blog will continue, as I hope to post a few here & there, as this entire situation, looks like a very long rest. But I can not say for sure, until after October first.

I ask you please pray for my family, my children who are so unaware of how serious this is and for my husband, who has just now come to grips with the seriousness. It is a permanent disability.

I will continue to pray for everyone, and I ask you to please pray for me.

 

 

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You’re Embarrassing Me!


fr bill

 

Jesus. Get off the cross. You’re embarrassing me!

A friend of mine lived in the country. He had kids and they were growing up and one of his daughters got involved in ranching. Raising cattle. She was just getting started in this work and she was put in charge of moving a herd of cattle.
She asked her father to help because he was an experienced rider and he was also a veterinarian. And he was her Dad.

Moving the herd happened in the dark of night, just before dawn. A dozen or so riders had instructions from this young woman and the move began. They walked or trotted their horses by the edge of the herd to keep them together and going at a speed they could control.

My friend’s horse was trotting along fine, then tripped and flung my friend down a slope onto his back. He called out for help and a couple of riders came by. He was trying to tell if he was hurt, and his daughter rode up.

She leaned down from her horse and scolded him in a whisper. “Dad. Get up. You’re embarrassing me!”

I love that story. That girl had so much on her mind and wanted this job to go well so badly that when her father got thrown from his horse she could only think about how it would affect the job.

When St Peter heard Jesus say that He would be killed for what He was doing, Peter said, “No!”. In one way Peter said, “Be quiet, Jesus, You’re embarrassing me.” Peter was saying “I want things to go this way: more success, bigger crowds. Don’t talk of failure.”

What do we do when things go wrong? What do we do when there’s pain? How about when suffering goes from short term to long term? God wants us to deal with suffering. It’s a part of life. When we think we can control our lives, we make sure suffering is not part of it. Suffering makes us look bad. It ruins our image. It feels awful.

What do we do?

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychologist who worked with dying people. She came up with an understanding of how people cope with having an illness that will probably end in death. Death is the biggest way of all that things go wrong. Most of us see it as the worst thing that will happen. The biggest embarrassment.

There are five stages people go through when things go terribly wrong. To keep this short, I will say only the first and the last. The first is denial. “No! This is not happening!” The last one is acceptance. As Jesus put it, “Not My will, Father, but Yours be done.”

Any time things go wrong we can bet our first reaction is “No!”. If we are believers, if we pray, and ask for help, that begins to change. We’ll get to “Your will, not mine be done.”

There’s a reason to accept suffering, any kind. Some day we’ll have to accept death. In the mean time we have to accept things like where we were born, how we were treated as children, what we look like, the traffic is, our jobs, our health, you name it.

What do we see when we look in the mirror? Do we see our failures? Blemishes? The ways we’re not good enough?

What do we feel when we enter a room full of people? Unworthy? That we have to hide who we are or what we did? That our jobs aren’t good enough or our kids aren’t bright enough or our bank accounts aren’t big enough?

If we feel that kind of embarrassment about ourselves, we try to hide. Or we look for something to cover it. Some pleasure. Some fantasy. We drink, we spend, we judge others. Anything to make us feel less embarrassed about who we are.

These things that deny the pain, that distract or cover over our unhappiness actually do work. The world is filled with ways of denying reality. They do take away the pain.

What they don’t do — what they cannot do — is heal us. Denial never heals. Never. It only conceals.

God wants healing for us. Healing comes with acceptance. Healing comes when we accept reality as it is, not as we’d like it to be. As soon as I can accept my life as it is, I find freedom. The things I was afraid of lose power.

We all can spend a lot of time and energy covering up our embarrassment. We hope people will like us, and include us and respect us.

Hasn’t that been what some people in the Church did when the sins of priests were reported? Deny. Hide. Don’t families do the same with the things they don’t want known? Businesses? Yup. Everybody does it.

There’s a saying in Italian: “bella figura”. It means “beautiful face”. When we put the preservation of the beautiful face above the truth, we lie. We deny. “Dad, you’re embarrassing me.”

There was nothing beautiful about Jesus on the cross. Nothing. Horrible to look at. Horrible, but three days later, He rose. He filled the world with glory. It’s the glory that comes from acceptance. From trust and honesty.

When we face reality instead of denying it, we pass through suffering into freedom. At first the truth embarrasses us. Then it sets us free.

Via Fr. Bill Murphy

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Year of Repentance


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“Return to your first Love”

 

Bishop Zubik Announces Year of Repentance

“Year of Repentance” Bishop Zubik will inaugurate the year Sunday, Sept. 23, and will lead a related prayer that afternoon.”

We all have reason to join and repent.

Pure JOY Through Suffering

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Overcome It


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Regarding the article today:

Cupich on scandal: ‘We have a bigger agenda than to be distracted by all of this’

He is correct, so to speak. We can not let it drag us all down or hold us back from doing the work we have all been assigned by our Lord. We move forward, without allowing it to be forgotten, nor overlooked.  But rather address it as we have been assigned to along with it. It moves with us, but does not tie us down. “Get behind me Satan”. Trusting in our LORD.

See: A Solemn Promise 

We see the dragon. And that is what this is. The dragon is chained already through the merits and glory of our Risen Lord. It just needs to be killed by each and every one of us. It can not hurt anyone, nor us, unless we allow it to. All are called to slay the dragon. How? BE HOLY so it can no longer hurt you or others. Cast aside the notion that everyone is already holy and BECOME Holy. Go and sin no more…  Overcome it, do not be overcome by it. We have a choice to be chained with it, or drag it behind in Victory in Christ.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

On the beatitudes…

“Even the most intimate bonds of friendship and the closest affinity of minds cannot truly lay claim to this peace if they are not in agreement with the will of God. Alliances based on evil desires, covenants of crime and pacts of vice—all lie outside the scope of this peace. Love of the world cannot be reconciled with love of God, and the man who does not separate himself from the children of this generation cannot join the company of the sons of God.” St. Leo the Great, Pope 

Today’s first reading:

1 COR 5:1-8

Brothers and sisters:
It is widely reported that there is immorality among you,
and immorality of a kind not found even among pagans–
a man living with his father’s wife.
And you are inflated with pride.
Should you not rather have been sorrowful?
The one who did this deed should be expelled from your midst.
I, for my part, although absent in body but present in spirit,
have already, as if present,
pronounced judgment on the one who has committed this deed,
in the name of our Lord Jesus:
when you have gathered together and I am with you in spirit
with the power of the Lord Jesus,
you are to deliver this man to Satan
for the destruction of his flesh,
so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

Your boasting is not appropriate.
Do you not know that a little yeast leavens all the dough?
Clear out the old yeast, so that you may become a fresh batch of dough,
inasmuch as you are unleavened.
For our Paschal Lamb, Christ, has been sacrificed.
Therefore, let us celebrate the feast,
not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness,
but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Today’s Gospel:

LK 6:6-11

 

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Peace


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Yesterday

The Fruit Of Righteous Anger

Today

Silence is Christ’s response to lies, divisiveness, pope says at Mass

Always

The pope, sex abuse, and the story no one is talking about

In Christ Jesus, our LORD

Please, in your charity, also read:

A Carmelite Response

 

 

 

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Pure JOY Through Suffering


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The 21’st of September, 1996, was the day I realized I was about to lose my dad to lung cancer, and he entered eternal life on the feast of St. Padre Pio, two days later. It was the day I would come to realized, I was adopted by our Lord. Suffering brings JOY.

At his side, on his bed, I said out loud, I need to change my life. The life I was living, to quote our Holy Father, was “kaka”.

Anyway, someone had posted this tweet and it stirred in me. I remember. I remember it well. From death, to new life. Today, I sing.

Notice the picture in this post: A Leopard In The Well and reflect on what our LORD has done.

Repent and believe

Ephesians 2 

St. Padre Pio, pray for us.

The song? The song? “September” is a song by the American band Earth, Wind & Fire. It was recorded during the sessions for their album I Am

“Do you remember
The 21st night of September?
Love was changin’ the minds of pretenders
While chasin’ the clouds away
Our hearts were ringin’
In the key that our souls were singin’
As we danced in the night, remember
How the stars stole the night away, oh, yeah yeah yeah”

 

St. Matthew Prayer

O Glorious St. Matthew, in your Gospel you portray Jesus as the longed-for Messiah who fulfilled the Prophets of the Old Covenant and as the new Lawgiver who founded a Church of the New Covenant.
Obtain for us the grace to see Jesus living in his Church and to follow his teachings in our lives on earth so that we may live forever with him in heaven.

Edit to add:

As I was heading to bed just now, I heard music coming from outside… Someone finally gets it… The echo of September, somehow, somewhere. Thank you Lord.

 

 

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Trusting The Spouse Of Our Souls


Wedding

When trust is broken, as a wife, I come to understand that the LORD is in this Marriage Trinity, and it is He who is the Spouse of our souls, the Bridegroom who NEVER breaks the trust. Who does not stray. As my husband may through temptation, I adhere to the Lord even when my husband may stray, praying for his repentance! Praying for his return.

Such as it is the same, for the shepherds who stray.

I ponder Psalms, chapter 116

I kept faith, even when I said,

“I am greatly afflicted!”

I said in my alarm,

“All men are liars!”

How can I repay the LORD

for all the great good done for me?

I will raise the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the LORD.

I will pay my vows to the LORD

in the presence of all his people.

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