Tag Archives: Dark Night Of The Soul

The Night Before Christmas


As I read this post by Fr. Stephen this morning, I found it to be very moving and a  beautiful reminder as to how our Lord truly is the Head of the Church, His bride. The Night Before Christmas comes to mind and heart within me. With Fr. Stephens approval, here are a few of his thoughts…


For the benefit of those who haven’t followed me, here is JUST THREE of my posts or comments about the connection between VCII and AL and the movement of the Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit: we know over the centuries the Holy Spirit has always brought His Church through dark times to the truth. E.G. Centuries of heresies, some saturating, about the divinity and humanity of Christ. But the Holy Spirit will always expose error and lead us to the truth. So let me start with a simple example. I love Pope Benedict. But when Benedict was Pope, few among the average worldwide Catholics knew that several of Benedict’s fellow German bishops had heretical beliefs. He surely didn’t expose them. He retires and Francis calls this Synod which exposed Kasper et al and their false beliefs. Remember Kasper et al wanted their teaching extended to homosexual relationships. Francis wouldn’t touch that but we see the same false teaching of Kasper et al applied to these relationships and this problem is now getting a lot of attention. So the Synod and AL is exposing a lot of false teaching and teachers. Now I do not know whether this was Francis’ intent, but it is the intent and work of the Holy Spirit to expose false teaching and purge His Church of it. The problems we see now go deeper than the issue of marriage and sins against it. This is about the heresies around mortal sin and conscience… The Fundamental Option and relativistic heresies of consequentialism and proportionalism which go back prior to VCII. Prior to the council though they were hidden within the Church as were the false teachers. Many criticize the council for what it caused, but what it caused was this boil which had been growing under the skin for years to rise above the surface to be lanced. We saw the puss and the smell post VCII. Much was confronted by JPII (his encyclicals) but during his and Benedicts’ reigns many of the heretics went on the lay low, but this issue of what is mortal sin, the conscience, its relationship to confession and marriage has never gone away. It was the root issue around the backlash against HV and it is the root issue now. So I feel that this heresy of the fundamental option is being exposed again by the Holy Spirit so everyone can see who believes it and who adheres to true Catholic teaching so it can finally be put to rest. Bottom line, you know and I know, that one unrepented mortal sin can cost us our salvation. Kasper, McElroy, Cupich and many others don’t seem to believe that. They seem to believe in the fundamental option. This has been going on for 50 plus years. I believe this will be the final exposition of this heresy and the final rejection of it. This may not be Francis’ intent but it is the intent of the Holy Spirit. This fight has been needed for decades and I have been itching for it since I have been a priest because 50 years ago the FO caused me to walk away from my Faith. Today, We are slowly but surely seeing where everyone stands. That is always the second step of the Holy Spirit. Expose the false teachers. Many have taught against these heresies (1st move of the Holy Spirit), but few have exposed the heretics (2nd move) . They are being exposed now. The third step of the Holy Spirit will be the cleansing.

Here is what happened after VCII and seems like it is happening here.
1st we need to understand that there are bishops and priests who are going to disobey Church teaching regardless of how clear it is. When this happens after Councils ( VCII) or in this case, a document, AL, those who desire obedience will often point to the Council or document as faulty. Fact is, the fault is in the heart of the disobedient. The fact that the disobedient are now being exposed is the work of the Holy Spirit. And the disobedient is neither the Pope or the Cardinals of the Dubia. The disobedient are shepherds like Kasper, McElroy and others who are using this as an opportunity to justify their disobedience…allowing anyone in good conscience to receive communion in spite of sexual intimacy.
Have you read the 16 documents of VCII? Where is there ambiguity? Give me one example. I will give you an example to make my point about disobedience in spite of truth. Read the document on the liturgy, Sacrosanctum Concilium! You will see what the Council intended and what the libs did were two disparate things. The craziness that came out after VCII existed in the Church prior to VCII. VCII was a movement of the Holy Spirit to lance a boil that had grown so the puss could be released and cleaned up. It takes 50 to 100 years for the fruits of a council to be seen in its fullest. The heresies that existed prior to VCII that came to the light after still exist. Now we know who are pushing these heresies. Let me give you another example of the movement of the Holy Spirit more recently (and I am really tired of stating this for the outsiders to my page). Few average Catholics under Benedict (and I love Benedict) knew that many of his fellow German bishops were pushing heresy. Benedict didn’t expose them. But the Synod exposed them. Remember Kasper and the boys wanted to give gays the right to have sex and still receive communion (see elsewhere on my page). Now we know who the good guys are and who is bogus. The boil grew back because the heretics went underground during JPII’s papacy. (Remember Kasper is a product of JPII). The boil is being lanced again. I believe this could be the final battle to deal with the “fundamental option” heresy that has lingered going back pre VCII. This heresy is at the core of everything we are seeing now and was at the core of the backlash after HV and VCII.

Here is a 4th comment…

As I have said often, the Holy Spirit is moving in His Church. Now Francis may not be intentional in this movement but he is the Pope so he has to be a part of it. So I posit!
If the Pope is perfectly clear (as was JPII and Benedict), the disobedient false teachers would go on the lay low and continue doing what they have been doing! Causing division through disobedience. The Holy Father remains vague and everyone has to vocalize their interpretation of AL thus exposing what they believe…truth or heresy. I have been clear about this! Few knew that Kasper et al was a heretic under his fellow German Pope, Benedict. Everyone knows now. JPII taught the truth but elevated Kasper and Cupich to bishops. See my comment above about the 3movements of the Holy Spirit. – Fr. Stephen Imbarrato



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In The Quiet

“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.”

Beauty From Pain


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A Slow Walk Through Purgatory

I just broke into tears because I read something that I have been going through since 1998. I have NEVER been able to place it into this paragraph that has capture the essence of it all.

From the article: All Sin Is Disgusting

“If you want a truly Lenten experience, then pray earnestly that the Holy Spirit will reveal to you the damage that your sins have done. And then hold onto your butts, because it’s going to be a horrible ride. Don’t forget to pray for hope and healing at the same time, nothing hurts more than looking your own guilt in the face.”

It is a horrible ride. A very SLOW walk through purgatory. The ONLY THING that has kept my sanity throughout my entire experience is KNOWING it is REAL and so builds my faith and LOVE for Christ and I can only hold onto the mercy of God and pray continually.

Every second I am alive is spent in constant repentance leaving self behind, thinking only of others.


It truly is: “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” A blessing in disguise

At least while I am here, I get reprieve! I can SEE His grace at work. I can see it in the Church! I can see Him in EVERYTHING! When the reprieves come, its a beautiful peace. Its a constant ride that doesn’t end until He says “It is finished”.

From the agony in the Garden: “”My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34

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Lost In The Deep Dark Night

As dark as it gets…He will lead you out of the dark and the beauty and fullness of His light is so bright and beautiful, once your out of the first blaze, you will treasure Him always above everything on earth. Nothing will stand between your soul and Him again. Sin will try but it will never withstand the power of the heat of His love for you. The key to getting out, is to never stop asking our Lord Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit and all His Saints, to guide you out, through prayer, attending mass, confession, and ALL things “Holy”. Once you stop and assume you can find your own way out, you will be eaten alive. The evil one will grab you by your neck in his teeth and shake you until all life is gone. Only because God allows him to because you “Chose” to let him, rather then “Choosing” God and His fullness.

I don’t want to write about this today. There is so much here, that I have not written about yet. After attending mass this morning and hearing today’s first reading, I am filled with so much hope at what I am about to write will somehow help the most lost souls in the deepest darkness and help them to understand, no matter where you are, even when you do not know, God always knows and is there with you. The evil one will try to mask God being with you. Don’t let him. This is the test of faith. When you will hear in your heart from our Lord, “Where are you? What is this that you have done?” He always knows where you are. He is asking you if you know. Be truthful always. His mercy is endless.

In June of 2002, a month before the one year anniversary of my rape, I to cried out to our Lord, to forgive me, to have mercy on me. Alone in one years time, after I was raped, I lost my home, I lost my job, I could no longer take care of my child and had her live with my sister, I was about to lose my mother to cancer, and this world had me convinced, at that time, I was mentally ill because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I could not laugh, cry, hurt, love, just sit there or even be human, without someone asking me if I was taking my “Medication”.I was cut off from worldly possessions and any ties to the people in my life who did not understand our Lord was truly calling me to come back home to Him. I had not yet had times with religious people to speak with concerning my faith. At this time, I hadn’t yet reached out to the Church fully. The Catholic church I was just getting comfortable in, was forty-five miles away by the home I had just lost, and I was told that if I brought myself to a priest at the church of my family, I would bring shame to everyone. In their minds, I was crazy and just needed more medication. I allowed myself to become cut off, by the words and actions of others, cut off from the Church that fed me, and gave me life giving water, my only hope and joy in this world.

I FORGIVE THEM! I hope they can forgive me. I do not expect anyone to understand things that happen between God and a soul. The personal relationship God has with the soul is as individual as the scientific DNA of a human person. He brings TOGETHER all individualistic souls, to complete fullness in ONE BODY, through His Bride, the Church. I DO expect non believers to trust in Him. To place their faith in Him. To learn His ways. Do NOT follow my lack of faith in Him. I was truly crazy this day. I was giving into the evil one. There is no justification for doing this. Despair had taken over.

Before I cried out to our Lord, in what I only now know I was going through for a few years, as my first “Dark Night Of The Soul”, in anger and complete disobedience to God, believing what THIS WORLD thought, I swallowed 230 pills. Immediately after, I broke down and told God I was sorry. I didn’t want to do it. I left my parents home, where I had done this and started walking. Walking anywhere away from there. I had brought so much shame as it was to my family, and to God, I just started walking and begging God for mercy and forgiveness. It was a VERY quiet day. I couldn’t hear a thing. No birds chirping, no wind, no traffic, not another human being in site. No cars driving by as I was walking. I turned a corner and a Hispanic man was in the distance walking towards me. I was sobbing harder the closer he came. I looked at him and told him what I had done. I broke down uncontrollably as he walked with me, never leaving my side, guiding my steps blocks away to a phone. He called 911 to get me help and a family member. He stayed with me and refused to leave my side. He kept me awake as I started to fall asleep. He cried with me at a point. When my family member got there, they refused to believe I did this and told the man and a police officer they were bring me home, that I was just crazy. This man helping me, said NO! I began to lose consciousness.

I woke up in ICU at the local hospital. The VERY FIRST WORDS out of my mouth were praise & GLORY and THANKSGIVING to God for ALLOWING me to live! My mother came to see me in her frail state. She didn’t have much to say to me for doing this unthinkable act. She handed me a piece of paper with a phone number on it. It was to the man who helped me. She wanted me to thank him. She was afraid to tell me his name at first, but when she did, it was as if the world stopped. His name was Jesus.

I called him and thanked him. We became good friends until I left Chicago. I also call on Jesus Christ EVERY DAY, and thank Him. Lord Forgive me for my selfish past…It is only through You that I have a future with You.

I have to end this here.. The world I now live in, because of the LOVE, MERCY and FORGIVENESS of our Lord is a different place now. I did die that day. That selfish person no longer exists. I can only live in this world through Him.

Need help? call 911 IMMEDIATELY
After you receive help for your body, IMMEDIATELY Call a Catholic Priest! Confess the sins that seek to destroy you and cut your life short which are trying to convince you there is no way out. There is an EXIT from where you are now in this life and His name is Jesus Christ.


Pray for the souls in purgatory, who didn’t get the second chance, that I was given.


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