Tag Archives: Forgivness

Unorthodox Ways


Only God can use “unorthodox” ways to pull a soul closer to Him, that they may seek Him where He truly is.

Ponder this…

I’m on my way home from the grocery store, and I hear a rock song on the radio. Bad Company’s “Burning Sky”.

The opening lyrics are: (Blast of “Thunder”) The sky is burnin’ I believe my soul’s on fire, You are, I’m learning, the key to my desire.

All I think of is our Lord. My soul is on fire with desire for Him. I look forward to Holy Mass tonight as I could not make it to an early Mass.

The song itself is very “Unorthodox”. But the lyrics are very biblical. Reigniting my soul into a state of burning for Him in a much greater way to seek Him where He is.

How many times do we look at how our Lord, and how He became “Man” and think how “unorthodox” it was for Him, God, to do this for us.

Unorthodox meaning, contrary to what is usual, traditional, or accepted; not orthodox.

How many times do you hear that Vatican II was so Unorthodox, but YET it is another way our Lord SEEN how much the world was drifting away from Him and needed to come down closer again to the level of “Thought” once again to bring souls closer to Him. It’s not to say that the soul should stay in this condition, but rather seek the higher planes where He truly is. To never stop searching in HIGHER places where He can be found. What is unorthodox to some, is a calling to others. A calling to pull closer to Him.

When we think of how our Lord called the first Apostles, the “Orthodox” thought, how unorthodox. Who is this man who eats with sinners? They did not stay in their state of sin but rather grew in faith to love and serve Him, in proper form.

Just pondering…

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No Retreat

Ephesians 6:4 “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Deuteronomy 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in
your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

A few months ago after having a vision,  I contacted Rachals Vineyard Ministry’s to see about upcoming retreats. I went out of my way to get to this one, my first, that I am to attend this weekend. I thought at the time our Lord was asking me to set aside time for healing for myself. After seeing clearly the events of today, this is anything but for just myself.

This week has been a preparation week for me of tying up loose ends for the things I do at my church to attend this three day retreat. The retreat was to be set aside to study scripture in relation to forgivness and healing after having had an abortion. Our Lord has provided me with many souls who came forward to attend to our Adoration Chapel and a new Altar Society to take care of this BIG weekend and kick off to Holy Week in the Church. Sunday is Palm Sunday, and many things go on before Mass that so many take for granted. Anyway, our Lord has provided the souls necessary to take care of this for me to go, along with the funds to pay for it.

My five year old has been coming down with a nasty cold for the past week and it came to a head yesterday when the Doctor told me she has a bacterial infection INSIDE her nose. Poor little was is so sick. Her fever peaked last night and she said to me “Am I going to go to heaven tomorrow?”, in front of her six year old sister. My six year old started to pray for her and I joined in after holding back my tears. I realized just how much I love my children. All of them.

Before this week, I was pondering who was going to take my children to Mass while I was gone. My husband is a non practicing Greek Orthodox and my only relative here where I live has left the Catholic faith. I had asked a friend and she had said yes, but my girls have never spent much time with her. This morning, I brought up the issue with my husband and realized he is still in the world and doesn’t see the girls missing Mass as a big deal and does not want to take them, as he himself never attends. I do.

Children are a gift from God. When we become parents, the things we wish to do, even in the case of this Retreat, take a back seat. How could I justify going to a weekend retreat, immersing myself into God’s word, attending Mass, when the very young children He has given to us, are in need of nurturing too and will be left to “starve” while I am eating?

I see this in two ways. One being a test for my husband in regards to what would happen spiritually to our children if I was no longer in the picture to bring them to Mass and help secure them in the faith. Would he pick up and carry on as is his job, to be the spiritual leader of our house?

Two being, this entire situation with this, me and my past, through repenting and turning back to our Lord, is Him screaming to me, I forgave you already. I have been blessed with two very beautiful little girls after this dreaded sin, who need our Lord just as much as I do. It was good for me to want to attend the retreat, but better to ensure our children are not left out in the cold, even for just ONE HOUR. I don’t know how missing Mass one day would effect them in the long run especially since they are so young, I can only speculate they would use it as an excuse down the road to continue to miss Mass. Rather then allow that seed to be planted and pray for the best, I can only set aside the entire lot of seed and ensure they will NOT miss Mass, and grow stronger because of it. If I did attend this retreat, I would be retreating form the gift of nurturing the lives of two souls who need that one Mass, more then my desires to seek Him more in an entire weekend or my life.

In not going to look for Him in my life this weekend, I have found Him in the hearts of the children He has given to me. The evil one is relentless and will do anything to gain access into their hearts. We as parents need to be the fence that keeps him out, with the grace of God, and keep our children in the presence of our Lord 24/7, and crush the evil one, like Mama Mary, every second we are their parents.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

“Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons”(CCC 2222).


I love our Lord….

I want to say our Lord has given me the key to His heart just now….
After posting this, I ran to the church to meet a woman about the Altar Society. The school children were lined up waiting to get in to practice the Stations of the Cross. I let them in with my key and waited for them to all enter. I Stopped in Adoration to say hello to our Lord and entered the church. She wasn’t there but our Maintenance men were along with the key to our Tabernacle! I grabbed it and asked who left it there? A funeral just concluded and they left everything out. The scent of incense was still in the air. I didn’t know who had passed away, but I prayed for them. Only now can I associate the significance of that funeral with that of my child that I had never met face to face. I picked up the key and put it where it belonged. It was so overwhelming and was as if He left it there for me to find.

All the glory is our Lords.

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Spiritually Crippled

So many times, so many many times in my life I could not move forward, away from the things that crippled me.

Hate, vengeance, cruelty, greed, depression, aggression…. These are all things that cripple the spirit. Imagine you were hit by someone and it broke the skin. Now imagine explaining the act to everyone you see the rest of your life and when you do, you pick the scab off the wound and make it bleed over and over again. Now, we have a wound that never heals and the person goes to the Dr for medication for it and no matter how much topical lotion is placed on the wound, it does not heal. Insanity right?

When we continue to feed them, they grow to a point which blots out the entire view our soul has of God. They become our wheel chair. We become trapped and led around by our own hate for others, no matter what is said to us in return, it is taken out of context and applied to some sort of vengeful act against us. The entire world seems to be picking on us rather then comforting us. So and so did this to ME!

The same thing needs to apply to sin. When we become so entangled in sin we become so lost. We look to medication and doctors to cure us of our “Depression” when the reality is, only God can cure a sick soul. We never want to look at the obvious causes of our problems, being we just are refusing to listen to God. We seek justification from our peers and want to believe anything but the truth. Until we can no longer move in any direction and the weight of the world crushes us underneath its weight.

I was spiritually crippled. So many times while I was battling with my family who thinking I was mentally ill, and my believing them, all the while, I just wanted to go to confession and get right with God. There isn’t a pill made that could replace the Sacrament of Confession nor the cleansing hands of a Catholic Priest. But no one outside of the faith could ever understand this. All I heard during this time was “are you taking the meds?” I was, but they would never work to make my sinful life OK. All that crushing weight was the last straw giving out in my soul causing depression, causing me to think God was mad at me. I had no place left to turn. Now that I have “Turned” back to God, there is no other place I want to go.

Today’s Gospel, is about healing. Healing through many hands and should bring a repentant soul so much joy. To hear the words ‘My child, your sins are forgiven.’ breaks any ice of sin that had kept a soul from moving closer to our Lord.


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‘Woman, Where Are They?’

I can not tell you how beautiful today’s Mass this morning has been for me. My words can never express the pure BEAUTY of the LOVE our Lord has for the soul. Today at mass, I could see our Lord, The Master Carpenter with the hammer in one of his firm hands and His chisel in His other, strike at the block of wood that is my soul, knocking off the sin or the weight that should not be there, forming me into who He is creating me to be.The sin splintering into fragments, not to be used for anything but dust to the floor, to be swept away.

How long I have carried this extra weight that should not be there. Added only by my accuser, the evil one. And where is he? Running to the hills at the sight of Our Lord Jesus Christ who has overcome him. Through my repentance, I can see now my Lord asks me also, ‘Woman, Where Are They? Go and do not sin any more.’

Today’s gospel reading: John 8:1-11 Christ and the adulterous woman

When God sheds light on the sinners conscious, the sinner repents. Fully! Or should I say, is given the GRACE to repent by God. This is mercy. When that light is shed, the accuser, or evil one, also see it and try to steal that light by adding darkness to it and TRY to seduce the soul into thinking it is not God’s mercy but His accusations and JUSTICE. Although God is Just, it is His MERCY He is offering first.

When our LORD wrote with His finger in the dust, “And he gave unto Moses, when he had made an end of communing with him upon mount Sinai, two tables of testimony, tables of stone, written with the finger of God.” Our LORD wrote the law in the sand leaving the sins to the wind to blow away…

Our Lord here, was also giving the accusers the time to throw themselves at His feet and beg for mercy, because they had seen with their own “Conscious” the sins they also had committed. Rather then do so, they walked away, carrying the weight of their sins with them.

Where are the accusers of all our sins after we confess them? Constantly bringing them up in the conscience to NOT commit them again, is the Holy Spirit, so we keep an eye on the path to our Lord. Constantly bringing them up to TEMPT us, is the accusers. The ones who are guilty themselves who do not repent.

In my personal reflection on this scripture, I look around and can see no one accusing me anymore, but rather who was accusing me, and can finally stand up, and walk closer to Him again in repentance.

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The Stench Of Sin

I had the pleasure this morning, of going out to breakfast with my husband. I wasn’t feeling well right off the bat and the restaurant we went to, was missing employees and the tables were quite full. We ordered our food, and as the waitress walked away with our order to the kitchen, the hostess was sitting the table behind us. A few moments after the table behind us was seated, I began to be overpowered with the smell of VERY strong perfume. So much so, it was making me ill.

Our food came and we began to eat. From the first bite I placed in my mouth of my breakfast, all I could taste was the overpowering perfume. I would take a drink of ice tea and it would taste like the perfume. It became so overpowering, my mood began to change. I was not in a good mood the longer I sat at this table, unable to eat, drink or let alone think of anything other then that overpowering obnoxious perfume. All I wanted to do was leave and quickly. I had to get away from the stench. I looked at my husband and apologized, I told him I’m sorry, but have them pack up my breakfast, I’ll eat it at home, I have to get out of here and into fresh air.

I left the restaurant and everything behind. When I took in the first gulp of fresh air, the obnoxious perfume was still in my sinuses for a few moments, then it was gone. I did not think about the woman wearing it, but rather how that must be what the Holy Spirit has to deal with, in regards to our sins. “Sin grieves the Holy Spirit and causes a breach in our relationship with God”

I pondered how many times He tried to come to me when I called out, but He couldn’t because the stench of my sins were keeping Him at a distance. Its much easier to hear Him, when He is at your side, rather then trying to hear Him yelling at your from behind a pain of glass, that separates the sinful from the forgiven. Granted, no one is sinless but our Lord Jesus Christ, but it makes His job much easier to speak to us, when we are cleansed through the sacrament of confession… Go take a shower 🙂

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Lost In The Deep Dark Night

As dark as it gets…He will lead you out of the dark and the beauty and fullness of His light is so bright and beautiful, once your out of the first blaze, you will treasure Him always above everything on earth. Nothing will stand between your soul and Him again. Sin will try but it will never withstand the power of the heat of His love for you. The key to getting out, is to never stop asking our Lord Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit and all His Saints, to guide you out, through prayer, attending mass, confession, and ALL things “Holy”. Once you stop and assume you can find your own way out, you will be eaten alive. The evil one will grab you by your neck in his teeth and shake you until all life is gone. Only because God allows him to because you “Chose” to let him, rather then “Choosing” God and His fullness.

I don’t want to write about this today. There is so much here, that I have not written about yet. After attending mass this morning and hearing today’s first reading, I am filled with so much hope at what I am about to write will somehow help the most lost souls in the deepest darkness and help them to understand, no matter where you are, even when you do not know, God always knows and is there with you. The evil one will try to mask God being with you. Don’t let him. This is the test of faith. When you will hear in your heart from our Lord, “Where are you? What is this that you have done?” He always knows where you are. He is asking you if you know. Be truthful always. His mercy is endless.

In June of 2002, a month before the one year anniversary of my rape, I to cried out to our Lord, to forgive me, to have mercy on me. Alone in one years time, after I was raped, I lost my home, I lost my job, I could no longer take care of my child and had her live with my sister, I was about to lose my mother to cancer, and this world had me convinced, at that time, I was mentally ill because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I could not laugh, cry, hurt, love, just sit there or even be human, without someone asking me if I was taking my “Medication”.I was cut off from worldly possessions and any ties to the people in my life who did not understand our Lord was truly calling me to come back home to Him. I had not yet had times with religious people to speak with concerning my faith. At this time, I hadn’t yet reached out to the Church fully. The Catholic church I was just getting comfortable in, was forty-five miles away by the home I had just lost, and I was told that if I brought myself to a priest at the church of my family, I would bring shame to everyone. In their minds, I was crazy and just needed more medication. I allowed myself to become cut off, by the words and actions of others, cut off from the Church that fed me, and gave me life giving water, my only hope and joy in this world.

I FORGIVE THEM! I hope they can forgive me. I do not expect anyone to understand things that happen between God and a soul. The personal relationship God has with the soul is as individual as the scientific DNA of a human person. He brings TOGETHER all individualistic souls, to complete fullness in ONE BODY, through His Bride, the Church. I DO expect non believers to trust in Him. To place their faith in Him. To learn His ways. Do NOT follow my lack of faith in Him. I was truly crazy this day. I was giving into the evil one. There is no justification for doing this. Despair had taken over.

Before I cried out to our Lord, in what I only now know I was going through for a few years, as my first “Dark Night Of The Soul”, in anger and complete disobedience to God, believing what THIS WORLD thought, I swallowed 230 pills. Immediately after, I broke down and told God I was sorry. I didn’t want to do it. I left my parents home, where I had done this and started walking. Walking anywhere away from there. I had brought so much shame as it was to my family, and to God, I just started walking and begging God for mercy and forgiveness. It was a VERY quiet day. I couldn’t hear a thing. No birds chirping, no wind, no traffic, not another human being in site. No cars driving by as I was walking. I turned a corner and a Hispanic man was in the distance walking towards me. I was sobbing harder the closer he came. I looked at him and told him what I had done. I broke down uncontrollably as he walked with me, never leaving my side, guiding my steps blocks away to a phone. He called 911 to get me help and a family member. He stayed with me and refused to leave my side. He kept me awake as I started to fall asleep. He cried with me at a point. When my family member got there, they refused to believe I did this and told the man and a police officer they were bring me home, that I was just crazy. This man helping me, said NO! I began to lose consciousness.

I woke up in ICU at the local hospital. The VERY FIRST WORDS out of my mouth were praise & GLORY and THANKSGIVING to God for ALLOWING me to live! My mother came to see me in her frail state. She didn’t have much to say to me for doing this unthinkable act. She handed me a piece of paper with a phone number on it. It was to the man who helped me. She wanted me to thank him. She was afraid to tell me his name at first, but when she did, it was as if the world stopped. His name was Jesus.

I called him and thanked him. We became good friends until I left Chicago. I also call on Jesus Christ EVERY DAY, and thank Him. Lord Forgive me for my selfish past…It is only through You that I have a future with You.

I have to end this here.. The world I now live in, because of the LOVE, MERCY and FORGIVENESS of our Lord is a different place now. I did die that day. That selfish person no longer exists. I can only live in this world through Him.

Need help? call 911 IMMEDIATELY
After you receive help for your body, IMMEDIATELY Call a Catholic Priest! Confess the sins that seek to destroy you and cut your life short which are trying to convince you there is no way out. There is an EXIT from where you are now in this life and His name is Jesus Christ.


Pray for the souls in purgatory, who didn’t get the second chance, that I was given.


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A Prayer For The World In Turmoil

Almighty, everlasting God,
Who in Thy beloved Son,
King of the whole world,
hast willed to restore all things anew;
grant in Thy Mercy that all the families of nations,
rent asunder by the wound of sin,
may be subjected to His most gentle rule.
Who with Thee lives and reigns world without end.


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