Tag Archives: Fruit

Being Still


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As I sat with our Lord tonight in Exposition, I had SO many questions about my trials. UNTIL I pondered and asked Him why am I allowing any of this to bother me. I have You Lord. Then came – I may not THINK I am worried, nor unsettled but in reality, that is what it is, for others. I became quiet. At that moment I began to ponder St. John and how beautiful it was for him to rest his head on the chest of our Lord. But, that too (for those moments) were only temporary moment for St. John. BLAMO This scripture than came to my heart. “I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.” We are still in the world, although in exile, while living in the Spirit there is complete tranquility. Think about how spending one hour with our Lord in Exposition is truly time to rest your head on His chest and lean into Him. My work in my interior life needs to reflect more on His peace while I am still here, in an unsettled world, I must be “settled” in Him.

Praise, glory and honor to our Lord Jesus Christ

 

(From our time together Friday January 22, 2016 )

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Scent of Lilies


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Just over a year ago, my husbands niece was born. They named her Lilly. Keep in mind one of the greatest sufferings I have had to bear is my husband just had not been converted back home at the same rate as I have. I will not go further with this. After Lilly was born, my sister-in-law decided to have my husband be her God Father. I had mixed feeling about this. I was concerned for Lilly as my husband was still very worldly. I pray for him continually and I love him very much. There is a reason our Lord gave us BOTH the grace to make it through the Annulment Process and enter into Marriage. See my post: Cohabitation And Holy Communion and after making it through this, I truly had started to grow to understand that I can not change anyone, and that only our Lord could.

I had been asking him for months, to please go to confession before becoming God Father. He continually put it off until this week I had asked him on Friday, as the Baptism was set for Sunday, did you go? He said no. He was too busy. Well, my patience had run out in this matter. I didn’t want to be a part of a sacrament that mean nothing to him as he was about to take a vital role in the spiritual life of another. I told him I would not be going. I went into the yard and began to plant flowers. (Impatiens of all things) I prayed and planted, becoming more upset that anyone could have such disregard for what they were taking on. Keep in mind, my husband is Greek Orthodox. I’m not that familiar with the faith but I have this drive in me from our Lord to ensure my husband gets to heaven. I love him very much. I know our Lord placed him in my life for a reason. I also, through my faith believe we are truly bound to our Lord and married WITH Him. It’s very painful to see one you love so dearly not allowing our Lord to love him. I was blinded my own IDEA that I could somehow control what was taking place in HIS spiritual life.

I dusted the dirt off and went inside. I changed and left, upset, for Adoration. As I sat in front of our Lord I asked Him what I could do? What should I do? I prayed. My cell phone rang and I left the Church to see what it was. It was a wrong number. I shut off the phone and went back in and began to pray again. I felt so horrible that I had distracted others. I apologized to our Lord for not remembering to turn off the phone. My shoulders drooped and I felt very deflated. I told our Lord I never wanted to embarrass Him. I never wanted to do anything that would be shameful to Him. I love Him very much. Sometimes I may try to hard and I never mean to hurt Him or anyone. I left, and headed back home.

As I entered the house, I was crying a bit as I was under a feeling of total defeat. I wasn’t sure where our Lord wanted me nor what He needed me to do. I wasn’t sure what any of this was about anymore but I resigned myself to the faith He knew what He was doing and I trust Him and His mercy. I have HOPE! Along with Faith & Love. As painful as they may all be at times, they truly are priceless.

My husband didn’t say a word and I entered back into the yard. I sat down and began to ponder. Defeated. I looked down at the flower bed I had just planted, and seen that someone had sprinkled seeds among the flowers I had planted. The seed being a sort of grass seed. At first I began to cry hard. All the work I had done was ruined. Then like that, BAM! The Parable of the Weeds among the Wheat.

I was at peace. I understood in that second, our Lord had answered my prayer. I was still a bit aggregated that someone had done this, but over time, I forgave and told my husband, I would be going Sunday to the Baptism. I knew, everything in God’s time, not mine.

Sunday came, I attended Holy Mass at our old Roman Catholic parish, with my daughters, and after we left for the Baptism. The Greek Orthodox Priest had told every what was needed and the Baptism commenced. As I watched, I became awe-struck, as my husband renounce Satan, all his works, and entered back into the faith himself, along with this little sweet child. I had never seen my husband pray. I had never seen him in the Light. Our Lord was bringing two in at the same time. One through renewal and the other as new. My heart began to fly. I was so overjoyed and thanked our Lord that He had shown me so much. After the Baptism my husband went to confession. I will not go into details as this is something I do not have the grace to write about. I can tell you there was an explosion of LOVE between my husband and I that only God could ignite. I continue to pray unceasingly for him and will always. I don’t know where this may lead him, but everything starts someplace. Like the second the weds and the wheat sprout, NO ONE knows which is which, BUT God, until it is unmistakable. That flame that I had carried for our Lord in faith, had been lit in my husband’s soul. Our Lord used the birth of a child to do this once again.. St. Augustine said it best: “Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”

This Friday is the Feast of the Assumption of our Blessed Mother. I can not help but already smell the Lilly’s left behind.

Glory to God. Praise be to God.

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us

St. John the Baptist, pray for us.

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Very Harsh Years


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I just returned from assessing my garden. Over the years I have had an abundance of fruit from my trees. At various times of the year, it has come in handy to place in my children’s lunches and when money had been very tight for eating wonderful snacks through a week of not spending a dime because, I had not one to spend. We were comforted by God with the fruit that was so needed through harsh times. All provided by, grown by and nurtured by, our Lord.

This season, it’s very different. My fig tree is bursting with figs. More this year then any other. Right now they are ripe for picking. But my orange tree that is usually bending over, bending branches full of oranges, has only one this year. Not one tangerine. Not one pomegranate. Not one single lime and after five years, not a single bunch of grapes on the vine. It is a very harsh year for fruit in my garden.

With that being said, our Lord truly provides and I thank Him not only for this harsh year, but for all of them. They are a blessing used to pull us closer to Him and to make us aware that He provides for all our needs. In more ways than we can ever imagine.

What is very different this year, for the first time in over eight years, I was offered a job, and have decided to take it. It will end my active duty within the Legion of Mary but being that it is only a part-time job, I can continue to attend Holy Mass daily, drop my children off at school and still be able to pick them up when they get out. Still allowing me to be a full-time practicing Catholic. The pay offered, was much higher than I had expected and the company itself, is for a very well-known Church Supply company. Only our Lord can arrange this life He has given to me in such a wonderful way. In all this company supply’s, I can see daily, and still be around the very beauty of the faith. I look at the supply’s of this company as the “seeds” needed to be planted in order that the harvest of souls can be fed in a way that gives glory to our Lord. Much of my life has been spent in disbelief, in one way or another. Be it my own idea of who God is, or in the twisted way of thinking I had not been good enough to please Him, to live the faith, or to trust in Him. Our Lord has proved me wrong time and time again, manifesting Himself so greatly in my life over the past fifteen years, leavening no room for doubt, He truly loves me and His mercy endures forever. I have sought Him in all and have found Him in all.

I start this new job on September third, the feast day of St. Gregory the Great.

“Dearly beloved, what do you see in these events? Do you really believe that it was by chance that this chosen disciple was absent, then came and heard, heard and doubted, doubted and touched, touched and believed? It was not by chance but in God’s providence. In a marvelous way God’s mercy arranged that the disbelieving disciple, in touching the wounds of his master’s body, should heal our wounds of disbelief. The disbelief of Thomas has done more for our faith than the faith of the other disciples. As he touches Christ and is won over to belief, every doubt is cast aside and our faith is strengthened. So the disciple who doubted, then felt Christ’s wounds, becomes a witness to the reality of the resurrection.” (Pope St. Gregory the Great, Doctor of the Church)

I have spent many years away from “home”, working for others, in love, through love and charity. There is no doubt our Lord is telling me it is time to work for those closest to me. The closer you become to Christ, the more painful it becomes. All the doors He held open for you, need closing, so only one remains. That door leads to the Chamber of our Lord. I submit to His will.

May the Legion of Mary, Mystical Rose be more prosperous, with my departure. Mama Mary has shown me so much and taught me what sacrifice is, mercy is, and patience. Not only teaching me what they truly were, but how to put them into use. My departure is only physical. My heart and soul will continue to carry the Legion and her message, in all that I encounter and apply it all again, in love.

If any one of you should be asked if he loved God, he would answer with entire confidence and complete conviction, ‘I do.’ But you heard at the beginning of the reading what Truth said: ‘If anyone loves me, he will keep my word.’ The proof of love is its manifestation in deeds (1 Jn 4:16). This is why John says in his Letter: ‘He who says, ‘I love God,’ and does not observe his commandments is a liar’ (1 Jn 2:4). Our love is true if we keep our self-will in check according to his commandments. One who is still wandering here and there through his unlawful desires does not really love God, because he is opposing him in his self-will.

‘And my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.’ Consider, dearly beloved, how great this solemnity is that commemorates the coming of God as a guest in our hearts. If some rich and powerful friend were to enter your home, you would quickly clean the entire house for fear something there might offend your friend’s eyes when he entered. Let any one then who is preparing his inner house for God cleanse away the dirt of his evil deeds.

You see what Truth tells us: ‘We will come and make our home with him.’ He does indeed enter the hearts of some but does not make his home there, because through repentance they acquire respect for God, but during a time of temptation they forget that they have repented and so return to committing sins as if they had never wept over them at all. The Lord comes into the heart and makes his home in one who truly loves God and observes his commandments, since the love of his divine nature so penetrates him that he does not turn away from it during times of temptation. That person loves truly whose heart does not consent to be overcome by wicked pleasures. The more pleasure a person finds in lower things the greater is his separation from heavenly love.

‘One who does not love me does not keep my words.’ Dearly beloved, enter into yourselves and inquire if you truly love God. But let not one believe the answer his heart gives in his own case apart from the testimony of his works. Let him examine his words, his thoughts and his life concerning the love of his Creator. God’s love is never idle. Where it exists, it does great things; if it refuses to work, it is not love. – an excerpt from the book Gregory the Great: Forty Gospel Homilies

Money in my life has always been a distraction away from all that God has provided for us. I have never had an attachment to it, but rather see it for what it is. Knowing this more deeply now before taking on my new job, truly is a blessing in more ways then I could ever imagine. God provides for all our needs. Including filling us with understanding on how to use money and how not to let it use us.

Thank you Lord for all you have done to me, in me, for us and all who love you.

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