This morning I am filled with a peace that only our Lord can give and I am grateful. This wonderful peace today is born from knowing that no matter what may come, in Christ, nothing can take away the JOY of knowing He is Lord. “Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.”

Last night, I was experiencing some great pain from what ever is going on inside my body and was troubled to see how my not being able to carry out some duties as mom and wife, was starting to weigh on my husband. My children filled the gap between us that was growing wider, with arguing about frivolous things. As I called for peace in this home, no one but our Lord heard my cry.

I was informed by my doctor that the blood work was back and they were ruling out anything wrong (cancer or disease) with my liver and pancreas, which to me, was great news. However, they have not ruled out a penetrating ulcer, which makes total sense with the amount of anti-inflammatory medicine I take for my spinal issues. Ulcer penetration is a complication in which the ulcer erodes through the intestinal wall without digestive fluid leaking into the abdomen. Instead, the ulcer penetrates into an adjoining organ, such as the pancreas or liver. The signs of penetration are more severe pain without rhythmicity or periodicity, and the spread of the pain to the lower back.

Next Tuesday, I have an appointment to find out more as more tests are scheduled. In the mean time, I have to ignore the pain and suffering because other things need attention. My children and my husband. That doesn’t mean our Lord is ignoring me. On the contrary, I am finding Him with me, every second as my pain and suffering is joined to His. As He is giving me His attention, I find it crucial now, to give that same attention to them.

No one on earth could ever understand fully, the position, place and condition a soul is in,nor the experiences, good and bad, they are going through completely, except our Lord. Its as if its just Him and me now, as I am sure its always been but I just couldn’t see it, walking through this entire experience, forgetting self and trying to bring peace in this home, in this family that just can’t see what is going on here. When I can see this, I can see my children and husband in the Light. I can understand more, the things that they can’t understand yet. Rather than become distant and uncaring to their needs, I am more and more careful in regards to how I attend to them. Mercy being the key. As our Lord pours His mercy on me, I am just a funnel in which that same mercy pours down into this home, on to my husband and children. Even when it is not reciprocated from them, as they are vessels also, that will hold it, until He determines when they shall need and use it through remembering if they choose through free will to do so with His grace. That is the peace and joy I have today. It is His, our Lords.

Pondering, “What you sow is not brought to life unless it dies.” Oh how true this is.

Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”