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The “Deaf Mute”


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I was picking up some dinner through a drive through tonight, when a man walked up to the car in front of me in line. As she placed her order, he handed her a card. She took it and handed it back to him and drove to pick up her food.

It was my turn. As I ordered the food for my family and I ordered him some as well. He handed me a card. The card was ancient. The print was not new. Being in the printing industry for close to 20 years in my past, I could see it was not something new, but probably found in a dumpster and passed around for some time.

On the card: “Hello! I am a deaf mute and I am trying to make a living. If you can help me, thank you.”

I began to look through my purse, knowing I didn’t have anything but some change and I pulled out my hand full of lose change. Mixed in with the change, was a small Crucifix that I had intended to place on a rosary in back in May that I had designed for someone.

I reached my hand out the window, handed the man his card back, placing the change in his hand, and then placing the Crucifix on top of it all. At that very moment, I wanted this mans face perk up, his shoulders drop and looked me square in the face and said, “Oh MY! Its beautiful! I love it!

I asked him his name and he told me.  I  told him that I had ordered him food. I had noticed he was very nervous. I pulled forward to pay and as I was speaking to the women in the window, he made sure to tell her, no guacamole. She looked at me, a little disgusted, as one could tell, she was not thrilled to have him bothering her customers.

A line of cars began to form behind me, as I spent time with Tyrone at the drive through window, waiting for his food, and mine. He had told me, someone else had bought him a sandwich also, and he was very happy. The woman in the window handed me the food, and I handed him his. He thanked me again, and I told Tyrone that I would pray for him as he continued to look at the Crucifix. As I placed my food to the side in my car, Tyrone walked away from the restaurant, and crossed the street.

I knew this man was homeless, as I had seen him for the past two days, sleeping on the ground, behind a strip mall in an alley, that runs adjacent to my Parish. He had been bothering my thoughts for the past two days. No, he wasn’t mute. No he wasn’t deaf. But he sure is starving for our Lord. He was all I could give to him.

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Kiss Of Christ


I just received this beautiful reflective poem from one of my OCarm sisters of the Third Order, and I know it is not mine to keep. I must share it with you all, as I am sure you are also suffering in one way or another in this world we have come to understand as exile.

I am not sure who wrote it, as it is a variation from a Trappist Monk, but it surely speaks to me. I pray for you and I hope in all your suffering, you look deeply at our Lord in His, joining all of your suffering to His.

 

There He hangs — pale figure pinned against the wood.
God grant that I could love Him as I really know I should.

I draw a little closer to share that love Divine
And almost hear Him whisper, “Ah foolish child of Mine!

If I should now embrace you,
My hands would stain you red.
And if I leaned to whisper,
The thorns would pierce your head.”

And then I knew in silence that love demands a price
‘Twas then I learned that suffering is but the kiss of Christ.

God bless you.

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Dies Irae


 

Day of wrath! O day of mourning!
See fulfilled the prophets’ warning,
Heaven and earth in ashes burning!

Oh what fear man’s bosom rendeth,
when from heaven the Judge descendeth,
on whose sentence all dependeth.

Wondrous sound the trumpet flingeth;
through earth’s sepulchers it ringeth;
all before the throne it bringeth.

Death is struck, and nature quaking,
all creation is awaking,
to its Judge an answer making.

Lo! the book, exactly worded,
wherein all hath been recorded:
thence shall judgment be awarded.

When the Judge his seat attaineth,
and each hidden deed arraigneth,
nothing unavenged remaineth.

What shall I, frail man, be pleading?
Who for me be interceding,
when the just are mercy needing?

King of Majesty tremendous,
who dost free salvation send us,
Fount of pity, then befriend us!

Think, good Jesus, my salvation
cost thy wondrous Incarnation;
leave me not to reprobation!

Faint and weary, thou hast sought me,
on the cross of suffering bought me.
shall such grace be vainly brought me?

Righteous Judge! for sin’s pollution
grant thy gift of absolution,
ere the day of retribution.

Guilty, now I pour my moaning,
all my shame with anguish owning;
spare, O God, thy suppliant groaning!

Thou the sinful woman savedst;
thou the dying thief forgavest;
and to me a hope vouchsafest.

Worthless are my prayers and sighing,
yet, good Lord, in grace complying,
rescue me from fires undying!

With thy favored sheep O place me;
nor among the goats abase me;
but to thy right hand upraise me.

While the wicked are confounded,
doomed to flames of woe unbounded
call me with thy saints surrounded.

Low I kneel, with heart submission,
see, like ashes, my contrition;
help me in my last condition.

Ah! that day of tears and mourning!
From the dust of earth returning
man for judgment must prepare him;
Spare, O God, in mercy spare him!

Lord, all pitying, Jesus blest,
grant them thine eternal rest. Amen.

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True Joy As I Wake


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This morning as I was just waking, I was dreaming and all the demons in hell were demanding me to get out.
I heard a voice telling me to walk through the door. The door was closed and I didn’t know how to open it. So I walked through it as it was still closed. And the SECOND I did, I was in the locked room with the Apostles and it was the very moment our Lord said PEACE!

I woke and fixed my gaze on the photo of our Lord in the Eucharist. Its a BEAUTIFUL Joyful Day! The peace of our Lord is still here.

The oddest thing about this dream, were the suffering demons. All the suffering they had, all their complaints were so trivial. So senseless. For the ones I pondered were so nonsensical I found it laughable because it was so obviously self inflicted and a complete denial of reality and His grace.

Upon waking, to see our Lord in the Eucharist, in a photo on my dresser, combined with the joy I had of being in that room with Him in that dream, caused me to wake like a child on Christmas morning. I could NOT wait to enter into prayers and attend Holy Mass. He is THE gift! No dreaming, but His Real Presence! I found such great concentration in my prayers today and that is something I had been missing as my attention has been focused on my illness.

I wanted to share this today, because this is what I can do. I hope it brings His joy to souls today.

EDIT TO ADD 10/29/2018

“Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut. I know you have but little power, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name” (Rev. 3:8).

And this morning, just before I wake, the dreaming was all about BAKED FISH. An abundance of baked fish that not one soul could even remotely consume for ones self. And it was GOOD!

Today’s Gospel

Gospel LK 13:10-17

Jesus was teaching in a synagogue on the sabbath.
And a woman was there who for eighteen years
had been crippled by a spirit;
she was bent over, completely incapable of standing erect.
When Jesus saw her, he called to her and said,
“Woman, you are set free of your infirmity.”
He laid his hands on her,
and she at once stood up straight and glorified God.
But the leader of the synagogue,
indignant that Jesus had cured on the sabbath,
said to the crowd in reply,
“There are six days when work should be done.
Come on those days to be cured, not on the sabbath day.”
The Lord said to him in reply, “Hypocrites!
Does not each one of you on the sabbath
untie his ox or his ass from the manger
and lead it out for watering?
This daughter of Abraham,
whom Satan has bound for eighteen years now,
ought she not to have been set free on the sabbath day
from this bondage?”
When he said this, all his adversaries were humiliated;
and the whole crowd rejoiced at all the splendid deeds done by him.

 

 

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The Charcoal Fire


A social media friend had asked me if I liked poetry and shared a wonderful poem with me. As I read it, I knew that I must share it. Enjoy.

The Charcoal Fire

Spark and sputter, charcoal fire,
Ember witness of naked desire.
The shame I cannot bear to tell,
The shame that hastens me to hell.
Not the brave emboldened one,
Thrice denied:
“Never knew him,” leave me alone!
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire,
Ember witness of naked desire.

How I hate what I have done,
Remote dream;
The Chosen One!
Cruel sarcasm to my soul,
Broken vessel can’t be made whole.
O the dream what I might be,
Only serves to torment me.
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of naked desire.

“Caught any fish?” The stranger called.
Days and weeks my labor is spent.
Ashes my bread, my back is bent.
“Try the other side,” he said.
(I’ll try anything, I’m good as dead).
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of naked desire.

Familiar Stranger, questions me,
“Love me thou?” (this times three).
O get this over, screams my head,
Pronounce the words I’ve come to dread.
Scold me as I ought to be,
Drown me in my misery.
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of naked desire.

Slowly dawns the rising sun,
Slowly dawns what has been done.
Roasted fish; a meal so humble.
On Mercy feasted, so I tremble!
“As sparks fly upward,”
Now I see. Homeward bound,
My soul is free.
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of His desire.

A. Littletree

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Rest Now..


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He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” 

For many years, its been so beautiful to do everything He has told me. Today, He tells me, rest now, or I will make you rest.

So I rest.

Last May, I had been experiencing some pain in my back, and I had thought for sure I had ruptured a disk. I have lost the reflexes in my lower right leg, and can not feel three of the toes on my left foot. My entire left side has been experiencing numbness and loss of control over my hands. I have tremors, and bouts of electrical shocks that stop me in my tracks. My walking has changed as I limp or just drag my feet as I am now hunched over and various other wonderful things. Its difficult to brush my hair. Everything just feels so heavy and I don’t feel as if I have the strength to carry my own body on some days.

The pain that I have is a strange one. There is no position to rest in to take it away. If I stand, its there. If I sit, its there. If I lay down, its there. Rest how Lord?  Ah! Rest in Him. Know, that the last 20 years journey home, has come to this. He is with me in this pain on His cross. (Psalm 139)

I had gone to see my Doctor in June, who promptly ordered an MRI & wanted to send me for physical therapy. He prescribed a steroid, and as I took the first dose, my hands opened in a way I had not seen them move for a few years. Last week, I was finally approved for the MRI and on Monday was given the results. My doctor was very somber, and mentioned to me that there was nothing he could do for me anymore. What I thought was a simple herniated disc, was actually a spine of many herniated discs, along with protruding discs in the Cervical Spine, some compromising my spinal cord, Bilateral Foraminal Stenosis, spurring, bilateral hypertrophic facet disease, levoscoliosis and multilevel degenerative spondylosis. In other words, my body is a hot mess.

How to rest in Him? Complete and total trust in Him. Allow all pain and suffering to be turned over to Him, joined in His suffering. Total abandonment to the will of God.

I have an appointment with a Neurological Surgeon on the Feast of the Little Flower, to see if surgery may be an option. Its a very risky procedure as the C2 through C7 seem to be the most problematic. After this, then they can address the herniated discs in my lower back, which is also compromising my spinal cord.

I’m not worried. I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I’m at peace. His peace!

My blog will continue, as I hope to post a few here & there, as this entire situation, looks like a very long rest. But I can not say for sure, until after October first.

I ask you please pray for my family, my children who are so unaware of how serious this is and for my husband, who has just now come to grips with the seriousness. It is a permanent disability.

I will continue to pray for everyone, and I ask you to please pray for me.

UPDATE: 10/03/18

Its now after my Neurological Surgeon appointment, and surgery has been taken off the table. My Doctor advised me that what is taking place in my body is much more than disc issues. We being testing October 30 for MS / ALS. Taking into account that I have had these symptoms come & go, even a hospital visit in 2012 in which they had thought I had a stroke, but it could not be diagnosed as a stroke, I am confident this will be MS and not ALS. But I’m not a doctor, so I let our Lord lead the way, prepare for more tests and keep the faith.

Keep them prayers coming. Much love to all, always in prayer. Peace.

 

 

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Year of Repentance


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“Return to your first Love”

 

Bishop Zubik Announces Year of Repentance

“Year of Repentance” Bishop Zubik will inaugurate the year Sunday, Sept. 23, and will lead a related prayer that afternoon.”

We all have reason to join and repent.

Pure JOY Through Suffering

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