A few weeks ago, I suffered another bout of PAS (Post Abortion Syndrome). In these bouts of struggles with the sin I committed many years ago of abortion, the soul is plunged into a state of hell that only one who has seen it can describe. I know in my heart I am forgiven but the residual effects of my sin remain. In this latest bout in dealing with the loss of my child at my hands, I was overcome with visions of the death of developing children at every stage of life. Even when I closed my eyes, all I could see was them. Their shapes were in the food I prepared, in the tile in the walls and even in the design in the carpet on my floor. There was no escape from my sin. I went for a walk to a park and sat on a table looking up at the sky, praying to God, and the clouds seems to be in the shape of developing children, that became further and further away, dissipating out of sight and my thoughts took me to heaven as they became the souls of the unborn turning into mist joining together into the soul of Our Lord. I was stricken with grief so deeply, the pain was unbearable. Just as I have been through this before, through my faith in God and the forgiveness of our Lord, I knew in time, this to shall pass. And it did a few days later. I can only ponder every time I go through this as it being the final state, final damnation for souls who do not repent from the grave sin of abortion.
While going through this, your souls seems to be slipping away into utter destruction and you know your in the battle for your life. You become remorseful, sorrowful to an extent that can not be surpassed not only for this sin, but for all your sins. The entire world becomes inside out. There is nowhere to run. No place to go to escape the pain. You deal with it in prayer and ask for the help of every soul in heaven and like a bolt of lighting, its gone and you can breath again, knowing the battle is over this day.
This bout with PAS came on very suddenly. It came out of nowhere. I know in my heart our Lord has forgiven me and at times don’t understand why this happens. I had confessed this sin many years ago and have been going through a conversion of heart, dedicating my life to out Lord in every way I know how. I can only take it as something from our Lord to share with other souls contemplating having an abortion.
Placing all my trust in God is what pulls me out of this state of being. Knowing He is loving and kind, knowing that He is just, I am able to work through the pain and through Christ, pull my life back together and work for His good.
Please, I beg all of my readers, be PRO LIFE. Don’t just say you are but act on it. Put an end to the lies of abortion. Two souls are at risk in each abortion. One immediately being the child, and the other being the mother at a time she does not expect.
See my story here: The Pain of Abortion