Tag Archives: The Power OF Forgivness

Invalid Marriages


I’m not buying the headlines today. Are Many Marriages Today Invalid? January 29th, 2005, I married my husband in Cesar’s Palace Las Vegas. Being Roman Catholic and he Greek Orthodox, it wasn’t until my serious conversion of heart, I took into account how serious of an offence this was against our Lord. We had both been married before. I love this man tremendously. Please read Cohabitation And Holy Communion, in which I have spoken about this before.

Today, after being married in the Catholic Church on May 4th, 20013, which I hold very dear to my heart and soul, we are continuing on in our marriage after a serious threat to all marriage. That being infidelity. I will not go into detail as the wounds are deep and we need time, prayers and patience to heal from this. I have forgiven my spouse and meant it. As I have also forgiven the other soul involved. We came very close to divorce. So close that we were just one day away from filing. It was pride and anger that lead to the decision to grab hold of an attorney and it was humility and love that made the decision to forgive and work through all the pain and suffering to continue on. The one thing for me that I just couldn’t stop pondering was how so many today “pretend”. Pretend everything. Marriage is not pretend. Vows are not pretend. The Church is not pretend. Our Lord is not pretend.

Back on June 3rd, the weekend before our filing was to be done, I prayed through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to our Lords Sacred Heart and I wrote:

What’s funny is, in all this divorce stuff, does a torn up piece of paper by the state mean anything to God? You can spend thousands of dollars in court to get a divorce and it can never amount to one drop of our Lord’s blood and a vow made with Him. So..Nope. I don’t believe it does. I made a vow to our Lord and Mark in the Church and I intend to keep it with God. I didn’t go through the annulment process and marry my husband in the church to have the state say your no longer married. My door will always be open for Mark to return, if he so chooses, and I pray our Lord converts his heart as He has mine, but I’m not holding my breath. So lets flush 20K down the toilet and Mark can continue to pretend he is not married. I will live still, as I know, I still am. End of story. Peace.

When I sought my attorney, so many signs were present. It was so easy to get one. It was even easy for this unemployed mother with no income to obtain a five thousand dollar retainer for them when we had been financially strapped for years. Something was wrong with this. It was far to easy and happening way to fast. This I knew in my heart was not from our Lord. I had heard in my heart that God hates divorce.

The following day, my husband moved back home with us and the process of healing began. As it is still today and will be for some time. I love him very much. As I love our Lord very much. And our Lord loves each of us first.

All I can say today, when I took my vow, I meant every word. I always intended to hold true to that vow no matter what. Even today under the serious issues we have faced and the continuing fallout from them. I said it before and I will say it again. I meant EVERY WORD of my vow to my husband and our Lord and I will never allow the state, if my husband should choose to leave and divorce me, to say that I am no longer married when it was to God, my husband and the state that I professed my vows of Marriage. Even if it should mean to live in a state of chastity and celibacy, we are called to that same chastity IN the sacrament of Marriage and being single. We are living in a world of souls playing “make believe” where nothing really matters and nothing means anything which couldn’t be farther from the Truth. The Truth is, humility, love, commitment, integrity and sincerity is needed for any Marriage to succeed. Beatitudes are to be lived. No matter what happens. That vow is also to our Lord. Look and see what our Lord said about how a man should love his wife and how a woman should love her husband and DO IT. Do it as your souls are Married to our Lord and live the vow as you are Married to our Lord. St. Thomas More, pray for us.

St. Monica pray for us.
St. Rita Of Cascia, pray for us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us
Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us all

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Filed under Mercy, Prayers, Reflections, Uncategorized

The Power Of Forgiveness

Yes, if you forgive others their failings, your heavenly Father will forgive you yours; but if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive your failings either.’

How I learned His most important message of forgiveness..

On July 13, 2001, two weeks after I had finally left a man I had been in a fourteen year relationship with, a relationship that was born in the mortal sin of adultery, and ended in me gaining the understanding of what severe emotional abuse was, after I had written to his former wife a letter of apology, along with myself having the strongest desire to enter into the fullness of the Church, and finally start on the path back to Christ, I was raped by a stranger.

I was drugged. I was held against my will. I was raped repeatedly and so savagely that it caused internal damage. For eight hours that day, all I could think of was how no one knew were I was, but God and I was never going to see my family again. I did everything I could to leave a trail of my personal things in his possession. Including a brush with my hair, in case he was caught that would lead someone to my body, so my family wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

I knew he was going to kill me because he said he was. He told me he had a gun and was taking me , in his words, “To a beautiful spot next to a stream, where he was going to rape me and kill me, and dump my body”. The day I had met my attacker, he was due to be sentenced in another county, for viciously beating a woman, who was almost unidentifiable after he got his hands on her. He was homeless, a drug addict and was going back and fourth from living in his truck that had stolen license plates, to living with his parents. Although I did not know this information at the time, looking back, knowing God was with me that day, is more then any other comfort I will ever need.

As the events of my rape were unfolding that day, and they became darker and darker, I thank God for giving me the ability then, to feel the sense of the entire attack as if it was happening to someone else, and I was just outside of my body, watching for his next move, so I could instruct my body as to what to do next, to survive. I knew this person raping me was tormented by many many evil things and they were ripping him to shreds and his only recourse, in his mind, was to take it out on me. It was so obvious and terrifying how his persona would jump from a somewhat sane person, with empathy for me, believing in some twisted way in his own mind that I was his girlfriend, then back to pure despise that I was even human.

In just that way his brain clicked back to me being his “Girlfriend”, he allowed me to leave, him believing completely, he had done nothing wrong. Going so far as to asking me out on a date and telling me, WE were going out again tomorrow. I played along knowing without a doubt, the next day I would die if he had his way. But not only would I die, but my daughter would also. He released me, driving me back to my car, and I then in utter fear of being followed, drove myself to the police station, collapsing in utter disbelief that I was still alive at the front desk. It took everything I had left to regain composure and tell the officer I had been raped.

It was a Friday that my rape occurred, early morning Saturday when he released me around one in the morning and by Sunday night, my attacker was in police custody. After I had participated with police in luring my attacker to a spot they could arrest him.

Sunday afternoon, after attending mass, I spoke with a priest, who just a few months earlier, heard my confession for the first time since I was a child, before the arrest of my attacker, I told him I forgave my attacker. In the squad car with the detective who handled the case, on the way to a judges personal home where a special order needed to be signed for us to capture this man, I told him I forgave my attacker. I was releasing this man spiritually, placing him in the hands of God. That forgiveness I offered to him, did not mean I would not testify against him or not have him arrested. He needed be held accountable for his actions. I could never live with myself if I knew this man hurt another human being because of my lack of action. My forgiveness to him came from my heart. It came from being on that same road in life as my attacker, although not the same personal conditions, and turning away from it.

It took a lot for me to write this, only because I do not think about it in such detail anymore. The fact I forgave him, and placed him in God’s hands, has cleansed my soul so greatly, that I can only think of the souls who did not have to suffer at this mans hands. I think of the woman who was beaten and how now she has some freedom from living in fear of him. I think of and pray for ALL police officers for having to see this every day. And I also pray for my attacker, that someday he may turn back from that road, and run to Christ.

“Forgive them Father, they know not what they do”

The forgiveness I have offered to this man, put into perspective the wrongs I face daily, to me is, that nothing I have faced from others, could ever be unforgivable. My forgiveness now is offered immediately to God, even when they, the people who have hurt me, don’t ask for it or want it. Exactly like Jesus Christ on the cross. Through forgiveness, nothing can hurt. The pain is removed.


Filed under Reflections