Closing out the Second week of Advent, I was able to attend our parish Penance Service. For the first time in many weeks, I was able to make a clean and beautiful confession. I entered into the Sacrament with nothing to lose and everything to gain. Half way through confession, I began to cry like a baby. Many things I had not seen before had come to light in my heart, and it was so wonderful to finally let go of the many false hopes I had had and become nothing again.
I had found many things this week which needed to be addressed within. The first being that little room I had created within for our Lord and I, to rest. It was as if so much of the world and its noise had entered into that solitude, that I had to strain just to hear Him. Our Lord reminded me of something I had not been doing in my daily routine, since I had begun testing for MS. He had shown me what was missing, therefor handing me the key to that room, which seemed to be locked with me on the outside.
Since my injury, I had been missing daily Mass. It became painful to sit in the pew, so I had not gone, but rather began to watch the televised Mass. Over time, distractions came, and something else or nothing was on, as I simply turned the television off. It became very clear to me this week, that my presence at Daily Mass, is truly essential to the spiritual well being of my soul. Its been almost two years of testing and the first year, seen me locked in my bed, or in a chair. I had begun physical therapy a year into this condition, and regained the use of my hands, built up strength and became able to do most things again, limiting the amount of weight I can carry, but still able to move and do most chores. As I did, I began to slip into old habits where I lost patience with others, and began to do things which bothered my interior life. Mainly seeing things I began doing not being as charitable as I had been, nor as I know I could be. Why was this happening? Well, because I had addressed the body, without addressing the spirit. I was working out and doing things externally without thinking about the spiritual needs of my soul and the presence of our Lord in the Eucharist, which became a daily necessity! I was missing Him.
With this Third Week of Advent, and that light upon the pink candle, may we come to realize the importance of our Lord’s real presence within us, and keep the fire within lit, by Him, with Him and through Him. Least we become like smoldering wicks, cooled in a time when His flame of Love can be found, as He is the One they said would come.
May all come to drink, feast and rely on Him who Is!
“My spirit has become dry because it forgets to feed on You.” – St. John of the Cross