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The “Deaf Mute”


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I was picking up some dinner through a drive through tonight, when a man walked up to the car in front of me in line. As she placed her order, he handed her a card. She took it and handed it back to him and drove to pick up her food.

It was my turn. As I ordered the food for my family and I ordered him some as well. He handed me a card. The card was ancient. The print was not new. Being in the printing industry for close to 20 years in my past, I could see it was not something new, but probably found in a dumpster and passed around for some time.

On the card: “Hello! I am a deaf mute and I am trying to make a living. If you can help me, thank you.”

I began to look through my purse, knowing I didn’t have anything but some change and I pulled out my hand full of lose change. Mixed in with the change, was a small Crucifix that I had intended to place on a rosary in back in May that I had designed for someone.

I reached my hand out the window, handed the man his card back, placing the change in his hand, and then placing the Crucifix on top of it all. At that very moment, I wanted this mans face perk up, his shoulders drop and looked me square in the face and said, “Oh MY! Its beautiful! I love it!

I asked him his name and he told me.  I  told him that I had ordered him food. I had noticed he was very nervous. I pulled forward to pay and as I was speaking to the women in the window, he made sure to tell her, no guacamole. She looked at me, a little disgusted, as one could tell, she was not thrilled to have him bothering her customers.

A line of cars began to form behind me, as I spent time with Tyrone at the drive through window, waiting for his food, and mine. He had told me, someone else had bought him a sandwich also, and he was very happy. The woman in the window handed me the food, and I handed him his. He thanked me again, and I told Tyrone that I would pray for him as he continued to look at the Crucifix. As I placed my food to the side in my car, Tyrone walked away from the restaurant, and crossed the street.

I knew this man was homeless, as I had seen him for the past two days, sleeping on the ground, behind a strip mall in an alley, that runs adjacent to my Parish. He had been bothering my thoughts for the past two days. No, he wasn’t mute. No he wasn’t deaf. But he sure is starving for our Lord. He was all I could give to him.

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True Joy As I Wake


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This morning as I was just waking, I was dreaming and all the demons in hell were demanding me to get out.
I heard a voice telling me to walk through the door. The door was closed and I didn’t know how to open it. So I walked through it as it was still closed. And the SECOND I did, I was in the locked room with the Apostles and it was the very moment our Lord said PEACE!

I woke and fixed my gaze on the photo of our Lord in the Eucharist. Its a BEAUTIFUL Joyful Day! The peace of our Lord is still here.

The oddest thing about this dream, were the suffering demons. All the suffering they had, all their complaints were so trivial. So senseless. For the ones I pondered were so nonsensical I found it laughable because it was so obviously self inflicted and a complete denial of reality and His grace.

Upon waking, to see our Lord in the Eucharist, in a photo on my dresser, combined with the joy I had of being in that room with Him in that dream, caused me to wake like a child on Christmas morning. I could NOT wait to enter into prayers and attend Holy Mass. He is THE gift! No dreaming, but His Real Presence! I found such great concentration in my prayers today and that is something I had been missing as my attention has been focused on my illness.

I wanted to share this today, because this is what I can do. I hope it brings His joy to souls today.

EDIT TO ADD 10/29/2018

“Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut. I know you have but little power, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name” (Rev. 3:8).

And this morning, just before I wake, the dreaming was all about BAKED FISH. An abundance of baked fish that not one soul could even remotely consume for ones self. And it was GOOD!

Today’s Gospel

Gospel LK 13:10-17

Jesus was teaching in a synagogue on the sabbath.
And a woman was there who for eighteen years
had been crippled by a spirit;
she was bent over, completely incapable of standing erect.
When Jesus saw her, he called to her and said,
“Woman, you are set free of your infirmity.”
He laid his hands on her,
and she at once stood up straight and glorified God.
But the leader of the synagogue,
indignant that Jesus had cured on the sabbath,
said to the crowd in reply,
“There are six days when work should be done.
Come on those days to be cured, not on the sabbath day.”
The Lord said to him in reply, “Hypocrites!
Does not each one of you on the sabbath
untie his ox or his ass from the manger
and lead it out for watering?
This daughter of Abraham,
whom Satan has bound for eighteen years now,
ought she not to have been set free on the sabbath day
from this bondage?”
When he said this, all his adversaries were humiliated;
and the whole crowd rejoiced at all the splendid deeds done by him.

 

 

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The Charcoal Fire


A social media friend had asked me if I liked poetry and shared a wonderful poem with me. As I read it, I knew that I must share it. Enjoy.

The Charcoal Fire

Spark and sputter, charcoal fire,
Ember witness of naked desire.
The shame I cannot bear to tell,
The shame that hastens me to hell.
Not the brave emboldened one,
Thrice denied:
“Never knew him,” leave me alone!
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire,
Ember witness of naked desire.

How I hate what I have done,
Remote dream;
The Chosen One!
Cruel sarcasm to my soul,
Broken vessel can’t be made whole.
O the dream what I might be,
Only serves to torment me.
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of naked desire.

“Caught any fish?” The stranger called.
Days and weeks my labor is spent.
Ashes my bread, my back is bent.
“Try the other side,” he said.
(I’ll try anything, I’m good as dead).
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of naked desire.

Familiar Stranger, questions me,
“Love me thou?” (this times three).
O get this over, screams my head,
Pronounce the words I’ve come to dread.
Scold me as I ought to be,
Drown me in my misery.
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of naked desire.

Slowly dawns the rising sun,
Slowly dawns what has been done.
Roasted fish; a meal so humble.
On Mercy feasted, so I tremble!
“As sparks fly upward,”
Now I see. Homeward bound,
My soul is free.
Spark and sputter, charcoal fire.
Ember witness of His desire.

A. Littletree

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Rest Now..


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He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” 

For many years, its been so beautiful to do everything He has told me. Today, He tells me, rest now, or I will make you rest.

So I rest.

Last May, I had been experiencing some pain in my back, and I had thought for sure I had ruptured a disk. I have lost the reflexes in my lower right leg, and can not feel three of the toes on my left foot. My entire left side has been experiencing numbness and loss of control over my hands. I have tremors, and bouts of electrical shocks that stop me in my tracks. My walking has changed as I limp or just drag my feet as I am now hunched over and various other wonderful things. Its difficult to brush my hair. Everything just feels so heavy and I don’t feel as if I have the strength to carry my own body on some days.

The pain that I have is a strange one. There is no position to rest in to take it away. If I stand, its there. If I sit, its there. If I lay down, its there. Rest how Lord?  Ah! Rest in Him. Know, that the last 20 years journey home, has come to this. He is with me in this pain on His cross. (Psalm 139)

I had gone to see my Doctor in June, who promptly ordered an MRI & wanted to send me for physical therapy. He prescribed a steroid, and as I took the first dose, my hands opened in a way I had not seen them move for a few years. Last week, I was finally approved for the MRI and on Monday was given the results. My doctor was very somber, and mentioned to me that there was nothing he could do for me anymore. What I thought was a simple herniated disc, was actually a spine of many herniated discs, along with protruding discs in the Cervical Spine, some compromising my spinal cord, Bilateral Foraminal Stenosis, spurring, bilateral hypertrophic facet disease, levoscoliosis and multilevel degenerative spondylosis. In other words, my body is a hot mess.

How to rest in Him? Complete and total trust in Him. Allow all pain and suffering to be turned over to Him, joined in His suffering. Total abandonment to the will of God.

I have an appointment with a Neurological Surgeon on the Feast of the Little Flower, to see if surgery may be an option. Its a very risky procedure as the C2 through C7 seem to be the most problematic. After this, then they can address the herniated discs in my lower back, which is also compromising my spinal cord.

I’m not worried. I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I’m at peace. His peace!

My blog will continue, as I hope to post a few here & there, as this entire situation, looks like a very long rest. But I can not say for sure, until after October first.

I ask you please pray for my family, my children who are so unaware of how serious this is and for my husband, who has just now come to grips with the seriousness. It is a permanent disability.

I will continue to pray for everyone, and I ask you to please pray for me.

UPDATE: 10/03/18

Its now after my Neurological Surgeon appointment, and surgery has been taken off the table. My Doctor advised me that what is taking place in my body is much more than disc issues. We being testing October 30 for MS / ALS. Taking into account that I have had these symptoms come & go, even a hospital visit in 2012 in which they had thought I had a stroke, but it could not be diagnosed as a stroke, I am confident this will be MS and not ALS. But I’m not a doctor, so I let our Lord lead the way, prepare for more tests and keep the faith.

Keep them prayers coming. Much love to all, always in prayer. Peace.

 

 

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You’re Embarrassing Me!


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Jesus. Get off the cross. You’re embarrassing me!

A friend of mine lived in the country. He had kids and they were growing up and one of his daughters got involved in ranching. Raising cattle. She was just getting started in this work and she was put in charge of moving a herd of cattle.
She asked her father to help because he was an experienced rider and he was also a veterinarian. And he was her Dad.

Moving the herd happened in the dark of night, just before dawn. A dozen or so riders had instructions from this young woman and the move began. They walked or trotted their horses by the edge of the herd to keep them together and going at a speed they could control.

My friend’s horse was trotting along fine, then tripped and flung my friend down a slope onto his back. He called out for help and a couple of riders came by. He was trying to tell if he was hurt, and his daughter rode up.

She leaned down from her horse and scolded him in a whisper. “Dad. Get up. You’re embarrassing me!”

I love that story. That girl had so much on her mind and wanted this job to go well so badly that when her father got thrown from his horse she could only think about how it would affect the job.

When St Peter heard Jesus say that He would be killed for what He was doing, Peter said, “No!”. In one way Peter said, “Be quiet, Jesus, You’re embarrassing me.” Peter was saying “I want things to go this way: more success, bigger crowds. Don’t talk of failure.”

What do we do when things go wrong? What do we do when there’s pain? How about when suffering goes from short term to long term? God wants us to deal with suffering. It’s a part of life. When we think we can control our lives, we make sure suffering is not part of it. Suffering makes us look bad. It ruins our image. It feels awful.

What do we do?

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychologist who worked with dying people. She came up with an understanding of how people cope with having an illness that will probably end in death. Death is the biggest way of all that things go wrong. Most of us see it as the worst thing that will happen. The biggest embarrassment.

There are five stages people go through when things go terribly wrong. To keep this short, I will say only the first and the last. The first is denial. “No! This is not happening!” The last one is acceptance. As Jesus put it, “Not My will, Father, but Yours be done.”

Any time things go wrong we can bet our first reaction is “No!”. If we are believers, if we pray, and ask for help, that begins to change. We’ll get to “Your will, not mine be done.”

There’s a reason to accept suffering, any kind. Some day we’ll have to accept death. In the mean time we have to accept things like where we were born, how we were treated as children, what we look like, the traffic is, our jobs, our health, you name it.

What do we see when we look in the mirror? Do we see our failures? Blemishes? The ways we’re not good enough?

What do we feel when we enter a room full of people? Unworthy? That we have to hide who we are or what we did? That our jobs aren’t good enough or our kids aren’t bright enough or our bank accounts aren’t big enough?

If we feel that kind of embarrassment about ourselves, we try to hide. Or we look for something to cover it. Some pleasure. Some fantasy. We drink, we spend, we judge others. Anything to make us feel less embarrassed about who we are.

These things that deny the pain, that distract or cover over our unhappiness actually do work. The world is filled with ways of denying reality. They do take away the pain.

What they don’t do — what they cannot do — is heal us. Denial never heals. Never. It only conceals.

God wants healing for us. Healing comes with acceptance. Healing comes when we accept reality as it is, not as we’d like it to be. As soon as I can accept my life as it is, I find freedom. The things I was afraid of lose power.

We all can spend a lot of time and energy covering up our embarrassment. We hope people will like us, and include us and respect us.

Hasn’t that been what some people in the Church did when the sins of priests were reported? Deny. Hide. Don’t families do the same with the things they don’t want known? Businesses? Yup. Everybody does it.

There’s a saying in Italian: “bella figura”. It means “beautiful face”. When we put the preservation of the beautiful face above the truth, we lie. We deny. “Dad, you’re embarrassing me.”

There was nothing beautiful about Jesus on the cross. Nothing. Horrible to look at. Horrible, but three days later, He rose. He filled the world with glory. It’s the glory that comes from acceptance. From trust and honesty.

When we face reality instead of denying it, we pass through suffering into freedom. At first the truth embarrasses us. Then it sets us free.

Via Fr. Bill Murphy

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Year of Repentance


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“Return to your first Love”

 

Bishop Zubik Announces Year of Repentance

“Year of Repentance” Bishop Zubik will inaugurate the year Sunday, Sept. 23, and will lead a related prayer that afternoon.”

We all have reason to join and repent.

Pure JOY Through Suffering

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Overcome It


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Regarding the article today:

Cupich on scandal: ‘We have a bigger agenda than to be distracted by all of this’

He is correct, so to speak. We can not let it drag us all down or hold us back from doing the work we have all been assigned by our Lord. We move forward, without allowing it to be forgotten, nor overlooked.  But rather address it as we have been assigned to along with it. It moves with us, but does not tie us down. “Get behind me Satan”. Trusting in our LORD.

See: A Solemn Promise 

We see the dragon. And that is what this is. The dragon is chained already through the merits and glory of our Risen Lord. It just needs to be killed by each and every one of us. It can not hurt anyone, nor us, unless we allow it to. All are called to slay the dragon. How? BE HOLY so it can no longer hurt you or others. Cast aside the notion that everyone is already holy and BECOME Holy. Go and sin no more…  Overcome it, do not be overcome by it. We have a choice to be chained with it, or drag it behind in Victory in Christ.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

On the beatitudes…

“Even the most intimate bonds of friendship and the closest affinity of minds cannot truly lay claim to this peace if they are not in agreement with the will of God. Alliances based on evil desires, covenants of crime and pacts of vice—all lie outside the scope of this peace. Love of the world cannot be reconciled with love of God, and the man who does not separate himself from the children of this generation cannot join the company of the sons of God.” St. Leo the Great, Pope 

Today’s first reading:

1 COR 5:1-8

Brothers and sisters:
It is widely reported that there is immorality among you,
and immorality of a kind not found even among pagans–
a man living with his father’s wife.
And you are inflated with pride.
Should you not rather have been sorrowful?
The one who did this deed should be expelled from your midst.
I, for my part, although absent in body but present in spirit,
have already, as if present,
pronounced judgment on the one who has committed this deed,
in the name of our Lord Jesus:
when you have gathered together and I am with you in spirit
with the power of the Lord Jesus,
you are to deliver this man to Satan
for the destruction of his flesh,
so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

Your boasting is not appropriate.
Do you not know that a little yeast leavens all the dough?
Clear out the old yeast, so that you may become a fresh batch of dough,
inasmuch as you are unleavened.
For our Paschal Lamb, Christ, has been sacrificed.
Therefore, let us celebrate the feast,
not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness,
but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Today’s Gospel:

LK 6:6-11

 

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